dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
08 Aug 2020, 8:55 pm
It occurred to me that while I don’t “mask” per se, I do try to hide things about myself that mark me as distinctly non-NT (for all the good that does me 
), I just don’t have anything to put up in place. So maybe it would be called semi-masking? I do have to hide things to be “presentable,” although as I said I have no mask to put up instead. Can’t come even remotely close to pretending to be NT, but I try my best not to draw attention to myself.
Here, of course, is the only place I can actually come close to being myself (though I doubt I will ever find a place where I could completely show myself - the shadows in me don’t react at all to light for a reason, they only open up to me)
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,122
Location: Right over your left shoulder
08 Aug 2020, 9:06 pm
), I just don’t have anything to put up in place. So maybe it would be called semi-masking? I do have to hide things to be “presentable,” although as I said I have no mask to put up instead. Can’t come even remotely close to pretending to be NT, but I try my best not to draw attention to myself.Here, of course, is the only place I can actually come close to being myself (though I doubt I will ever find a place where I could completely show myself - the shadows in me don’t react at all to light for a reason, they only open up to me)
Might it just be less skilled masking? Let's face it, masking requires a degree of social awareness we all lack to varying degrees, the most talented in social awareness will likely be the most skilled at masking.
Maybe?
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
08 Aug 2020, 9:13 pm
), I just don’t have anything to put up in place. So maybe it would be called semi-masking? I do have to hide things to be “presentable,” although as I said I have no mask to put up instead. Can’t come even remotely close to pretending to be NT, but I try my best not to draw attention to myself.Here, of course, is the only place I can actually come close to being myself (though I doubt I will ever find a place where I could completely show myself - the shadows in me don’t react at all to light for a reason, they only open up to me)
Might it just be less skilled masking? Let's face it, masking requires a degree of social awareness we all lack to varying degrees, the most talented in social awareness will likely be the most skilled at masking.
Maybe?
Could be.
08 Aug 2020, 9:19 pm
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,122
Location: Right over your left shoulder
08 Aug 2020, 9:22 pm
Pick-up lines for mental health self-help night:
Sooo, what are you masking? 
09 Aug 2020, 2:52 am
09 Aug 2020, 9:00 am
09 Aug 2020, 1:01 pm
I've come to the realization that my bosses are knowingly setting employees up to fail. The turnover rate makes sense now.
They have set impossible percentage goals for billable hours, which they don't mention when you start. They then use it as a reason to diminish your annual raise when no other flaws can be found in your yearly review.
I've talked to other co-workers and they agree that the target percentage is unattainable. I tried explaining to my boss that we low-ladder employees don't have control over the amount of billable tasks, and the fact that expect us to do all of these non-billable tasks too makes for a no-win scenario. The whole thing feels really sinister.
Meanwhile, business is booming for them and we just signed a big client that'll bring in a large amount of money. I've been told I'll be one of the main people working on it, yet they can't be bothered to give me even an average sized raise. 
I'm worried I'll end up sabotaging myself before I can get into a better situation.
09 Aug 2020, 2:02 pm
09 Aug 2020, 2:21 pm
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,120
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
09 Aug 2020, 3:54 pm
They have set impossible percentage goals for billable hours, which they don't mention when you start. They then use it as a reason to diminish your annual raise when no other flaws can be found in your yearly review.
I've talked to other co-workers and they agree that the target percentage is unattainable. I tried explaining to my boss that we low-ladder employees don't have control over the amount of billable tasks, and the fact that expect us to do all of these non-billable tasks too makes for a no-win scenario. The whole thing feels really sinister.
Meanwhile, business is booming for them and we just signed a big client that'll bring in a large amount of money. I've been told I'll be one of the main people working on it, yet they can't be bothered to give me even an average sized raise.
I'm worried I'll end up sabotaging myself before I can get into a better situation.
09 Aug 2020, 5:02 pm
They have set impossible percentage goals for billable hours, which they don't mention when you start. They then use it as a reason to diminish your annual raise when no other flaws can be found in your yearly review.
I've talked to other co-workers and they agree that the target percentage is unattainable. I tried explaining to my boss that we low-ladder employees don't have control over the amount of billable tasks, and the fact that expect us to do all of these non-billable tasks too makes for a no-win scenario. The whole thing feels really sinister.
Meanwhile, business is booming for them and we just signed a big client that'll bring in a large amount of money. I've been told I'll be one of the main people working on it, yet they can't be bothered to give me even an average sized raise.
I'm worried I'll end up sabotaging myself before I can get into a better situation.
That's the unfortunate truth. I learned early on that companies, bosses, co-workers, etc, will take advantage if given the opportunity, so I'm cautious not to do so. This seems like a new low. Being penalized for something out of my control is frustrating. My only recourse is to get a new job, but I can't do that until my husband gets one. (He's about to graduate and there aren't many jobs here so we plan to move wherever he gets a job. I can do mine remotely, so this makes the most sense. And I can apply to places once we know where we're moving.)
Being able to resign with a new job and better salary in-hand would be so satisfying right now! But of course I need to quell that until the time is right.
09 Aug 2020, 5:14 pm
09 Aug 2020, 6:57 pm
On a diet. I wanna be slim again. 
I want that leather jacket and grey denim skirt look I had back a few years ago. It looked AMAZING. I love leather jackets. A fake one will do.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,122
Location: Right over your left shoulder
09 Aug 2020, 7:00 pm
I want that leather jacket and grey denim skirt look I had back a few years ago. It looked AMAZING. I love leather jackets. A fake one will do.
You just reminded me how much I miss my battle vest. I might make another one, only this time it'll have more crust and grind band patches, and a Wu-Tang patch because I'm not still an insecure teenager worried about having non-thrash related patches on my battle vest.
09 Aug 2020, 7:54 pm
I want that leather jacket and grey denim skirt look I had back a few years ago. It looked AMAZING. I love leather jackets. A fake one will do.
You just reminded me how much I miss my battle vest. I might make another one, only this time it'll have more crust and grind band patches, and a Wu-Tang patch because I'm not still an insecure teenager worried about having non-thrash related patches on my battle vest.
Pictures?
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