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People always live down to my expectations. Just once I want someone to live up to them.

Guess I should've known when she started talking down to/patronising a Celtic fan.

Ow.. Am not sure.

After waking from 5 hours nap, it's just uncertain.

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PE isn't proper education cos proper education is about learning & PE is just about how disabled a kid is or isn't. Only part of PE that's educational is the theory side of it.

That doesn't mean a dyspraxic kid is at all stupid for not knowing it. Or is going to ever learn it.

Heck even now, my handwriting's improved as an adult cos no pressure on it and I still can't catch a ball.

Where I grew up, dyslexic kids weren't expected to perform readings except in class & then they were in a different group to the rest. The biggest day of the year was Sports Day - even parents came to it and everyone had to take part and it was considered ok to laugh at younger dyspraxic kids.

The fact that I wonder if even an autistic kid who was really good at PE would have got chosen second for PE says everything about my experiences with it.

Teachers picked the cool kids. Cool kids picked the second coolest kid. Right down the pecking order. I was always last.

It was a bit the same in drama. Except in drama it was basically groups of 5, so it was more democratic. And the drama teachers were mature enough not to know who the cool kids were so they picked a different kid at random every week.

Also stuff like learning rules, learning instructions etc is part of theory. PE theory can be learnt and improved upon. PE theory is intellectual. PE theory requires study of the sports, and also of the muscle groups, types of 'strength' improved upon etc.

Failing a kid who knows all that stuff but happens to never be able to run as fast as their peers or be as co-ordinated as their peers? That's my problem.

I was good at theory but failed PE because I will never be as co-ordinated as my peers due to disability. In my day, theory was all done orally so unless you were Deaf/mute, you could take part in it. I'm verbally dyspraxic myself so I feel for those kids.

The joke is that all PE needs to do to be more inclusive is to measure kids against their own abilities, move to more individual sports/exercises & see if the kids improve over the year. It wouldn't solve everything (a kid might develop an illness/disability in the year, some disabilities are degenerative etc) but for most kids that would solve the issue while making sure they got exercise.

My brother's in the hospital right now with a ruptured appendix I'm not terrified for him because I know it isn't uncommon and plenty of people get through the same thing just fine, but of course I am concerned.

I miss my cat. I'm so sad. I wish I could find him.

Why oh why did I slip sleep again??

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Perhaps I'm just too socially apathethic to actually relate in any aspies' school life related to wanting to be included and get validated.

Not even the idea of getting to be chosen first or last meant it was some sort of social pecking order.
... I thought (and still thought) being picked first means teaching others or setting standards to break, before so anyone gets a gist of what about to do and do better.

And severely asocial to even bother who was socially cool at school or not, they're all the same to me.
Let alone known what my mom was doing and how it may affecting her, along the idea of parent dramas.

My social life was decidedly very simple.
If person is nice, I'd try to be nice and not hurt her or anything wrong.
If person is mean, grab and attack them where it hurts -- nevermind why or what happens if I did that. People just figured that I don't that without a reason.
That even continued through in college.

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The idea of being a dyspraxic does not mean they won't learn, improve or anything -- I like this attitude.


Also the culture of giving sports so much importance is just plain weird to me. It doesn't matter where, which or what scope/level.
I understand representation and best players may carry some banner of sorts...
But I still don't see the inherent value in that. My priorities and tastes are just too different for that.


So yeah.. Systems are a joke to me.
It's exploitable as much as it exploit others.
It's also systematically discriminative.

The education system here is an even bigger joke, though not the same reasons you see it.
At least the problems there seems more understandable than this;

The education divide here does not consist of disabled vs non disabled.
It's the old poor vs the rich.
The poor can excel and still get second place or something, or because just can't participate due to other outside school circumstances.

It never mattered if it's a hard working, athletically gifted NT with excellent school social status, they're already excluded.

It's also a different world here.

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I was lucky tjough I experienced the type of school culture she describes..

I did experience 2 different schools were the meanness KT67 described was not there...

Including Sports Days where someone sh!t at running and everythinh else.. like myself was encouraged by even the popular girls to participate...in races for example...and cheered on genuinely ...nobody made fun of me for bring so slow or uncoordinated or bad at dancing.. Thry let me join cheerleading fr example.... and wouldn't let me rag on myself...
It was shocking as i was so defensive from being at other types of schools..


At that one the most negative you got was the year 10 boys not even getting in trouble for fighting when left alone and breaking their cabin wall while girls would get in trouble for things like nails being too long.


Of course the prejudiced openly sexist principal who was the reason for this disparity (and i just gave 1 example there are many)... was a woman and she allowed her daughter to do everything the rest got in trouble for.

She was from South Africa and imposed what she believed our culture was on us when she didnt even know it.

Like she forced teachers and girls to wear black abayyahs inside the school..when the previous principal had never imposed such a stupid rule. I repeatedly got in trouble because she thought my abayyah being purple with iron on rhinestone heart was not soul sucking enough (i guess) but i never changed it because i thought it was the lamest rule . even so shr wd make me go and wear a spare black one of someone elses



When a male principal took over the rules actually became fair and human again...
even though he was unintentionally hilarious and long-winded and Aspie like a cartoon.
I never heard a speech of his where i wasnt trying to stop from laughing.
N having the teacher hiss my name at me so I'd shut up...

My best friend Ruba and Ied sometimes stuff our sashes in our mouths to keep from laughing during his speeches.

Good memories.. though i hated even that school ...
it was to do with the ASD not it objectively actually being bad or unpleasant...

oh i remembered an anecdote. Have memory of my best friend ditching a class that I was exempt from (bcuz they realized i was just too stupid for itm. ThoUgh they didnt put it that way..)
she hadnt studied fr an importsmt test nor done an assignment so she wanted it to appear that she was absent.


It was a free empty room that had normal classroom things like desks and chairs but was never used.

once my best friend was stuck hiding under the teachers desk there... and the teacher (whose class she was ditching) had come inside that room to mark papers while the rest of the class were working .. She had left them to come work in this empty class ..

But my friend n i were there drawing and playing tic tac toe/hangman.


We saw her approaching from the windows and my friend ran n hid under the table as there was nothing else...
she could not let teacher see her and know she was ditching.. That was a very strict teacher too... Someone else might have excused it but she was scary.


I was freaked out called over another girl from that class (explained to her what happened). Then those girls kept trying to make excuses to have the teacher get up n go to another room or the courtyard to look at a cat (fictional.

But she just wouldnt! She even reprimanded them for wasting time when they were supposed to be working in the other room.


She even threatened détention to one of the BEST (teachers pet) students... A girl who my friend hated..

who was trying to save my friend by making excuses to have the teacher come to the other room.


The teacher spent ages sitting there grading papers...


not realizing my friend was right by her feet. One of the girls in the class AGAIN came in to call her in to help with an exercise...


I was thinking... thank goodness now my friend can escape while teacher goes to help them.



Howver the teacher asked them to bring the papers to her ..instead of her having to get up ..

So my friend was still stuck there.

Then basically thw whole lesson she was there n the teacher never knew..
N when the bell rang for the 2nd time (it was a DOUBLE period class too!!) she got up n left..


my friend came out feeling like she had had a near death expérience (esp as her mom was v strict n hadn't a sensé of humour)...


We treated her like a prisoner of war who had returned home (after the other girls heard of her ordeal.) I was in tears as id been so freaked out.

I just wish people would just fix the mess others had to put up with, and stop keeping up with charades...

Quite why I'm happy with the prospect of societal collapse, but let's not get there.

Still... Even if the system gets fixed someday, it doesn't heal the impact on others before it.
Their childhood, the unfairness wrought from past into present...



My school system is entirely derived from the American system and quite outdated, and with mostly outdated paradigms.

K to 12 here isn't even a decade old yet. And I'm glad my batch wasn't caught up by it.

There are sports cultures here. But not all mandatory, nor most of it are formal for all I know. Surely not made for ridicule and forcing those who either can't or wouldn't.

Still not sure.
It was probably on a low list of priorities for me, that I barely had a knowledge about it. I don't participate them or indulge with the idea.

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Everyone here imagines, systems in the west are more reliable, requires more discipline, etc.
They're aware of the ruthless competitive cultures there. People here would adapt, try as they may.

At first, I thought, people there may understand me as an aspie since they're more logical and frank. That they do have more in touch with stoicism, valued order...

In my eyes, they're supposedly more aspergian.
That they have the latest knowledge, the most reliable supports...

People here, with enough means would spend countless fortunes just keeping up with western standards of service or close to it. So many people here fancied a lot of things there.

Yet it's not what might've imagined.

What I found instead, was systems that kept them trapped. It's more than the prejudice over autism, but something...

Something 'dead'. Something wrong.
Or at least something that should've existed decades back, but it died at some point.
So I stop aspiring to go there and follow any of my family branches abroad.


This forum is currently my biggest of evidence why I shouldn't permanently live out there.
Not yet anyway.

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My patience is waning

May I... May I take 'em hot headed and heavy on the chest stuff?

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I think I wouldn't have noticed which kids were cool if the uncool kids weren't bullied, sometimes physically. If people hadn't laughed at them.

It's nice that PE is different in different parts of the world.

I wish the culture around it wasn't so toxic here. Where I was from it was even seen as ok for adults/teenagers to laugh at primary school kids who were 4 or 5 if the kid was slow. Sports Day shouldn't be competitive or shouldn't be compulsory/shouldn't invite parents.

And mum says that in all the schools, it's those teachers who bring in the Daily Mail and start conversations about how 'bullying toughens kids up'. I hear in other schools it's the subject that attracts the n....s but in mine, it was science. This good looking science teacher in his 20s had a group of girl followers and did nothing to stop them from idolising him and following him all round school. I don't think he actually did anything but I get creepy vibes off that. And I got DM vibes off the weird geography teacher who only liked white kids whose parents came from the same county as us and the history teacher who taught my mum too (so was old) who used to preach to us about how great the British Empire was.

Mum's dyslexic so she doesn't bring the Guardian into school but she listens to Radio 4 in her car. Same liberal values. A brown-skinned/Polish kid she's teaching has as much value to her as a white British kid she's teaching. Even isn't racist against Travellers. She sees the strengths in autistic kids as well as where they need help. She's a terf but apart from that, she's very inclusive and she hates all bullies.

I wonder if America has severe ableism when it comes to English because of the whole 'spelling bee' thing. Or if that isn't compulsory? It's always stereotyped as 'nerdy' in the media & American culture on the whole hates 'nerds'. But a kid have to fall between not being able to spell 'hat' and being able to spell 'antidisestablishmentarianism' to be seen as 'cool' I think.

When I was at my first secondary although it was still divided like that for sports, a lot more cool points were to do with if you were good at art. Despite getting D grades in art for lack of realism, I was popular in art class. I didn't bully other kids in my school though. In my second secondary, if you didn't have a record you were seen as uncool and a target. That school was really dangerous.

I was good at academics but that loses cool points. The only good thing was that I was (unusually for a lot of aspies) good at humanities/English not good at maths/science (cos dyspraxic). The kids who were good at STEM might have gone on to good jobs but were teased the most. It was important not to be good at those subjects or to even try.