What's on your mind right now?

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Not at Monday.
Maybe at Tuesday.

Not my decision.
That's just the schedule.

So there will be an extra one bored day.
Damnit, I just want an excuse to get out of the house.

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The entire right side of my face hurts.

I have to go rake a lot of leaves so I'm going to make hot cider for a treat when I'm done. Another thing is one of my work gloves is missing so I have to pick if I want blisters on one hand or both? I don't think mittens will work.

I think should be cleaning or writing. Instead I'm here, browsing, and thinking about what kind of roof I want on my new minecraft house. I'm glad it's a lazy Sunday where it doesn't matter what I do or don't get done today. I can't seem to get motivated today to save my backside.

I have an exam tomorrow that I will study for this afternoon.

Time to rake those leaves!

Slept in too late and now my head's all fluidy

I think dad is getting worse.

He starts up about me watching horror movies.

I'm 32. He hasn't lived with me since I was 4. Amount of 'responsible' he's been as a divorced parents is really negotiable. He's biologically my dad but he's not my authority figure.

Anyway, he starts with all this disapproving nonsense about 'I don't see how anyone could like horror movies, I don't like horror movies' then goes into a rant about it.

It's none of his business.

I wouldn't mind him having his own opinions/beliefs if he was NT or healthily autistic. But I won't be drawn into delusions etc under the guise of 'tolerance'. He isn't healthy.

I'm just not going to tell him anything anymore that I wouldn't tell a child. It's not worth it.

And I'll keep watching what I want, cos it's just harmless TV shows (not movies) like American Horror Story & Chilling Tales of Sabrina & Stranger Things.

It's like a tear between being annoyed with him for openly disapproving of me and pity cos he does genuinely think watching that stuff is dangerous and anger at whoever's letting him think like that.

I'm going to work tomorrow.
I hope.


But how? My sleep is basically whacked. Again.
Just tonight, I've actually spent 7+ hours lying on the bed in the dark. No real sleep there.

Just lying. In complete darkness.
Breathing. Hoping my stomach and nose won't act on it's own.
Sensing my limbs going numb with the pressure of the gravity, with my neck and head increasingly feeling awkward.

Now it's morning, and I'd end up sleeping too early too soon. How do I trick this one?

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I'm so glad that I grew up in an eccentric family.

It taught me there is nothing inherently wrong with being different. It's to be celebrated, in fact.

So often I notice that the same people who think being autistic is a 'problem' think being lgbt is a 'problem' too. They see fitting in as the main value. It's sad.

Nobody fits in 100%. If we did then we'd all be a big army of clones. No thanks.

Everytime I speak up over our conference calls at work I wish I had never spoken afterwards, and often end up having extreme anxiety afterwards. At least I'm at home and can stim openly but the problem is my thoughts need to calm down and stop spiraling into self loathing, which isn't helpful. I had the same problem in college. The issue is, what is the solution? Am I okay to speak my mind? Or am I really saying stupid and unhelpful things and just keep my mic muted and mouth shut? Some of my peers never speak, but I experience this problem compulsively, like I *must* help or I *must* say the interesting thing I discovered during the exercise. Sigh.

What's with 5 hour sleep cut off?

And I should've just tell my mom never to turn the air conditioner on if she's not going to sleep upstairs.

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What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object

What details not to mention to my mom about my first training session
which just finished ten minutes ago.

Lichen schlerosis

Yeast infection

Graceful degradation

Butterfly effects

Chaos theory

Graceful degradation

Grossly misunderstood

Double Standards

Work might have the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant. Boss texted me 11:51am telling me to come at 1pm. Human resources knows that I don't have a car. And where I live. Maybe boss will have the nerve to tell me insubordination . Pink slip. "At will" employer. They can fire you for any reason or no reason. You have "rights", like OSHA, FMLA, EEOC, ADA. But, short of winning a civil lawsuit against the lil f*****s, you have no recourse. Lawsuits $$, 2 years, energy. Outcome not guaranteed. The company will hire a more expensive lawyer than the petitioner. It's a competition of resources.

Sick and tired of everything and everyone especially my own worthless corpse s**t