Make an extremely dark joke.

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They're beginning to drive so fast and so recklessly in our town that it's becoming like rush hour in Russia!

How do you know you've booked a really bad tour?

When your driver is from Uzbekistan and plows you into the bike lane.

What did the deaf, mute, blind, downs syndrome, quadriplegic baby get for christmas?

Cancer

What is the most common use of cowhide ?

As skin on ...cows?

dog chews ?

or do you mean the obvious , who wants to see a naked cow

Yes. Holding cows together.

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?

Shut up and get back in the oven.

Nick Kyrgios: The French Open sucks!

No, Nick. You're the one that sucks! As a Greek, Malaysian, Australian, you create an international incident every time you open your stupid mouth.

Mommy, Mommy! I have a stabbing pain in my head !
Shut up and move away from the dart board!

Someone decided to put their German flag in the wash and the dryer. When he pulled the flag out of the dryer, it came out as a Union Jack.

A doctor goes into the maternity ward to see a woman who has just given birth.

'I have some good news..and some bad' says the Doc. 'The bad news is your son's ginger.'

'Oh my god!' says the new mum 'I thought it was something serious! And the good news..?'

'It's dead.'

Q: What is the fastest animal in the world?

A: A chicken in Ethiopia.

(I think my brother told me this joke when we were kids)

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

"What's black and white and red all over?"
"Everyone knows that one. It's a newspaper!"
"Nope! It's a penguin in a blender."