Make up a really dumb quote/question

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if airplanes had horns, there would be a far fewer mid air collisions

thank god that dog's hind legs are not built back to front, or else they would kick s**t into their faces every time they defecated.

why isn't [the radio program] "coast to coast" not instead called "radio to radio"?

I was picturing airplanes with gigantic ram horns, and trying to figure out how on earth that would help matters.

why can't somebody put toilets in cars? thataway, traffic jams wouldn't be so hairy.

they keep going on about the greenhouse effect, but people keep building them.

that's why it's a dumb thing to say

One of the dumbest things I heard a tennis commentator say:

"Like a mongoose on amphetamines!"

I thought that you meant like car horns (honk! honk!). Which is also dumb, but dumb in a more obvious way. Lol!

i did mean car horns.
i thought she was referring to some "ram air powered very loud horns"
i did not know she took it in such a literal way and thought i meant horns like cattle have on them.

The stereotype mongoose is Kipling's Rikki Tikki Tavi who famously, but fictionally out maneuvered and killed a king cobra snake.

So folks think of mongoose as being insanely fast agile animals. So one of them on speed would presumably be even more that way. So that kinda makes sense as a metaphor though it is based on a popular image that's not totally accurate.

One animal book I read as a child went out of its way to say "mongoose don't really subsist on a diet of cobras, and also cobras do often kill mongoose".

Sport casters say a lot dumber stuff than that.

One favorite phrase they used to constantly use was "they look like they could go one-on-one with the mafia!" to mean that "every member of that team is big and heavy muscled". Makes ZERO sense.

The mafia does employ big guys as low level thugs and goons. But the guys who run the mafia are all nondescript looking middle aged business man types like John Giotti, and Sam Giannconna. So my image of "the mafia" is that of guys who look like Robert Deniro who don't like to mess up their silk suits, and who would not last any longer in a wrestling or boxing ring than any other regular person. So to me the expression "one-on-one with the Mafia" just does not convey what its supposed to convey.

I wonder what "the kill ratio" is between mongooses and cobras.

Remember this!

"Celestial mechanics" are the kind who specialize in fixing only: Chevy Novas, Ford Galaxies, Mercuries, Ford Tauruses, Saturns, and Subarus ( Subaru means "Pleiades" in Japanese).

So never use a celestial mechanic for any other car models!

flap is both a noun and a verb, and also an adjective and adverb.

Today while on TV Trope's So Bad, It's Horrible I discovered a new example in their TV ads section. It's this commercial for Cottonelle toilet paper where kids are claiming that wiping their rear ends with the product makes them feel like "a tiny white kitten" and a "sparkling waterfall'. They're trying to be cute obviously, but instead it's stupid and slightly nauseating, especially the girl at the end who says it makes her feel "wike a shimmewing muhmaid". Blech!

Those quotes were real of course, but so dumb they couldn't possibly have been made up. I went to the link on YouTube and replied the ad made me feel like a shimmering mermaid... after swimming through raw sewage.

why can't fourth of july be quiet?

how does one know that a tape measure that one plans to buy is accurate?
it has to be measured with another tape measure in order to verify it's correctness.
but how does one know whether the tape measure used to measure the tape measure you wish to buy is accurate?
it has to be measured with yet another independent tape measure to verify it's accuracy.

and the process goes on until one reaches a statistical level of likelihood that all tape measures used are incorrect even though they all agree with each other, is approaching a value that precludes paranoia.

then you wind up with too many tape measures and only one thing you want to measure.

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how does one know that every match in a matchbox full of matches one intends to buy will be viable?
one must test each one to see if it lights, and if they do, then when you buy it and take the box home, and they fail to work then, who do you complain to?

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how does one know that every egg in a carton of eggs has a yolk in it?

there are double yolkers and triple yolkers, but i am sure there is a small amount of eggs that are zero yolkers.

they should have a very strong egg inspecting light in supermarkets which one can hold every egg up to to make sure it has a yolk in it.
if they do not have a light like that, then the only answer is to crack them all to find out if you're being ripped off, and once the eggs broken, they are worthless.

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if i just want 4 slices of bread, then i must buy a minimum of 24 slices that are contained in a package of sliced bread.
so, if i rip that package open and extract 4 slices, and then attempt to negotiate their price at the checkout counter, i am sure that the checkout person would say "we can not sell single slices of bread"

"well then" , i would say, "can you sell a tampered with loaf of bread?"

she (yeah sexism whatever) may say, "no we can not sell that either".

i would say, "well the loaf of bread i got these 4 slices from is now tampered with, and so it is worthless, but i am prepared to ameliorate your loss by agreeing to pay the amount that 4 slices of that loaf are calculated to be"

yeah, probably easier to buy the whole loaf for $2.00 and put it in the freezer....but you know? it's the principle of the thing!