I confess.....

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I like the feeling of being sedated; lacking the overwhelming fear for a short time due to medication is the closest I'll come to internal calmness.

I've only felt said calmness a couple of times before without being medicated; both causes are addictive.

I confess that I love the attention I get when I go to the shrink, and I can't wait to do more tests so that I can show off how nothing is wrong with me (except maybe depression)!


I also confess that I lost my appointment card for the psychology appointment and went there today to ask when it was, and they told me it was NEXT Monday.

I confess to Almighty Aspie that I don't know what to confess about.

I confes that as much as I come off as prude and. well... i lack a word for it, so ill just say pure of mind, deep down in side im HORNEY!! !!

trumpet or sax?

I confess that a small part of me wishes I hadn't discovered AS. It's nice having answers, but my current obsession with filling in the holes and connecting the dots in my life for the past 35 years is screwing up a whole lot of other stuff. I have responsibilities to others besides myself and figuring out my own mental health is hurting them. Even if in the long run we will all be better off once I have it all figured out.

At the same time, finding people like me has been wonderful and satisfying on a level I never thought was possible.

I've just wasted a cup of coffee. One of the m,embers at my clubhouse made it, and it was very strong.

I confess that, despite numerous challenges to do so, nobody has ever been able to prepare coffee that has been "too strong" for me.

From a Kids in the Hall skit, Bobby vs. the Devil:

[at the dinner table]

Bobby's Dad: "Honey, would you pass the salt."

Bobby's Mom: "Yes dear, here's the salt-do you really need so much salt?"

Bobby's Dad: "YES, I like FLAVOR!" (glares for a moment, uses salt)
...
Bobby's Dad: "Honey, would you pass the food, I used too much salt."

Addendum: "YES, I like FLAVOR!" is actually an old joke about me from my high-school days. I was watching Kids in the Hall (back when it was on HBO) with a few friends of mine, and upon hearing the "YES, I like FLAVOR!" line, one of them immediately looked at me and said, "Oh my God, Ryan, that is sooo you!" It's been one of my catch-phrases ever since. Wish I could find the skit on YouTube.

Good fortune,

- Icarus the Cosmic Salt-Lick

I confess that I get episodes of extreme rage but they seem to come from nowhere so I do not know what the underlying reasons are.

Rage demon! You've got a rage demon!

I confess I've got one too, and he's dangerous, ruthless, and cruel. In my case, it is part of a family curse. I know of no way to get rid of him; the best I can do is keep him chained with the fetters of will, ideally forged from mental adamantium (if there is any handy).

I confess that my... predecessor was not so good at keeping the demon chained, and much senseless violence was arbitarily inflicted as a result. So far, I've done better... So far... But I fear one day the chains will snap.

Good fortune,

- Icarus and the Neverending Battle

I confess that I just walked back to the field in the rain so that I could get some pictures of the deer grazing back there. I confess that I first tried to get decent pictures with the binoculars (the logic being I'll put the lens up to the eye piece (it fits perfectly!) and take a picture...) but that didn't work (it wouldn't focus). I don't think these pictures turned out very well either, which is slightly disappointing, but whatever.

I confess that I'm now contemplating whether "lens" is the correct word. It looks right, but now that I think about it, it doesn't sound like a word (I know it is a word, it just doesn't sound like it).

I confess that I believe that anger is a gift when properly channeled.

I also confess that my episodes of extreme rage are very well coordinated and result from the actions of others that incite me to react. Of course, always verbally and never physically.

I confess that I am overwhelmed with guilt, because I am shutting down a lot lately, which is unfair to my kids. With the two older ones fighting constantly and their mother screaming on top of that, I cannot take the noise. Add in my 3-4 hours average sleep per night and chronic back and gut pain and I keep shutting down. I’m sorry kids, you deserve better.

I confess that school starts tomorrow and I haven't done my summer reading. I confess that I really don't care at this point, and I don't think I'll even bother to look up summaries.

I confess I never read what I was supposed to read in school unless I actually had an interest in it. Thus, I always just "winged" it.

I confess that I could probably get away with that (or ask the one guy in my class; I'm sure he'd tell me the general points and just as sure that he didn't read either), but I'm supposed to "prove" myself this year. Like I didn't last year...

I confess that now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I was supposed to have taken a placement test over summer for a couple of the post-secondary options. I didn't. That might be a problem. I don't care about that either.

I confess that things I care about are steadily decreasing from this morning; I'm shutting down. (I confess that now "shut" doesn't look like a word. Blah.)