SAY SOMETHING FUNNY DAMMIT!! !

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From: The Rev. John W. Price (jprice@sleh.com)
Subject: trilemma, dilemma

I'm a hospital chaplain. You know what a diagnostic is?
Someone who doesn't believe in two gods.
(In preparation for ministry, I went to a punnery...)

Although I'm a man I guess the reason why I wear women's clothes is because when I was a child my mother used to wear women's clothes.

i'm gonna eat worms

If you don't eat them, they'll eat you!


with kevin bacon on the side

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUwhaLQy13o[/youtube]

What do we want?

PROCRASTINATION!

When do we want it?

TOMORROW!

Make War, Not Love.

Poo.

Let's play "Count the Redundant Superfluous Pleonastic Tautologies"

My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving
of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter
con­cerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the
execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that
particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental
errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not
over-exaggerating. I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social
visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and
who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The
end result was an un­expected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the
fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an
added plus, she came up with a fi­nal solution that was absolutely perfect.
Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a
com­mon bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to
find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus,
she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an
immedi­ate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally
complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely
alone.

- George Carlin

lol

God sent me a cute, chubby, cuddly bumblebee, as a way of telling me, not to get too small.

hope it didn't sting anybody. below is some phonetic phacetiousness-

Q-what is shampoo?
A- fake feces.

Q-what is a kalaidescope?
A-a device for measuring car accidents.

Q-what is king kong's personalized license plate number?
A-I8NY. well, i wouldn't expect him to like new york after what they did to him.

ta dum dum.

10 quick facts:
1. your reading my message
2. your smiling because I read your mind
4. You didn't notice i skipped #4
5. Your checking it now
6. Your smiling again
8. I skipped # 7
9. Your looking at it now
10. i  read your mind

There once was a man from the Cape
Who made himself garments of crepe
When asked, "Will they tear?"
He replied, "Here and there,
But they keep such a beautiful shape!"

Go on, smile. It's funny.

(Whoever knows which movie I just referenced gets a cookie.)

Have you peed in the shower, today?

any fool can pee on the floor, so be a real hero and crap on the ceiling!