The Worst Jokes Ever Thread

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Have you heard about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines!

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An Aspies walks into his psychiatrist's office. "Doc," he says, "I keep having these alternately recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

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In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

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A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

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We've all heard the story of Daniel and The Lion's Den, right? Daniel gets thrown into the lion's den for defying the King's orders. The next day, the King looked into the lion's den and saw Daniel sitting there praying to the Lord and davening, with the lions ignoring him all around. So the King has Daniel brought out from the lions' den and pardons him for his crimes. And what was the King's reasoning, you might ask?

"Daniel is obviously a good man", he said. "Because even a lion knows that it is hard to keep a good man down."

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A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and would always have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnut extract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took a sip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc!"

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There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town is renowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem -- the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another and overrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran the dogs out of the city. Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. The dogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. The paper mills were shut down, and everyone left.

But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills, saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in the town, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories.

The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us! The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"

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Marge, Tina, and Cindy had made plans to attend the premiere of Madonna's film Evita. All three looked forward to the event, but at the last minute an unforeseen emergency at work prevented Cindy from going with them. Feeling bad for Cindy's sake, the other two sniffled and wept. But Cindy consoled them: "Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina."

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Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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The last one's either very punny, or my sense of humor has gone completely down the tubes.

Think of "Supercalifragiliciousespialadocious"

You missed the point. I understood the joke. It made me laugh, ergo it's not a bad joke, i.e. "Fail!"

What's red, green, and goes 80 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

Think of "Supercalifragiliciousespialadocious"

Super-cali-fragilistic-ASPIE-ali-docious?