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auntblabby
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17 May 2010, 4:09 am

"I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is used." [Dominique Bouhours, 18th century french grammarian, uttering his last words upon his deathbed]

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than have to have a frontal lobotomy." [Dr. Randy Hanzlick MD, in a ditty performed on the Dr. Demento Show]



Booyakasha
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17 May 2010, 4:30 am

Some quotes by Groucho Marx:

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.



Booyakasha
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17 May 2010, 4:38 am

And some by Oscar Wilde:

In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

The play was a great success, but the audience was a disaster.

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

The central problem in Hamlet is whether the critics are
mad or only pretending to be mad.



Booyakasha
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17 May 2010, 4:38 am

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough”

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

“Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.”

"Unthinking respect for authorities is the greatest enemy of truth."

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”

“It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.”

A. Einstein



Last edited by Booyakasha on 17 May 2010, 3:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

katzefrau
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17 May 2010, 4:41 am

auntblabby wrote:
"I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is used." [Dominique Bouhours, 18th century french grammarian, uttering his last words upon his deathbed]


wow!! That one's great.

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx


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DarthMetaKnight
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17 May 2010, 3:33 pm

"'He was not no machine!' screamed Gloria, fiercely and ungrammatically. 'He was a person just like you and me and he was my friend'."
Robbie by Issac Asimov

"I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones."
Julia from Nineteen Eighty-four

"Joker was right. Sometimes it's only maddness that makes us who we are. Or destiny perhaps.
Batman in Arkham Asylum: a serious house on serious earth.

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"
Charles Darwin

"In the mountains of truth you will never climb in vain: either you will get up higher today or you will exercise your strength so as to be able to get up higher tomorrow."
Freidrich Neitzsche

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere."
One fish two fish red fish blue fish by Dr. Seuss

"To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme. No great and enduring volume can ever be written on the flea, though many there be who have tried it."
Moby-Dick by Herman Melville

"You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and defenseless people."
Seung-Hui Cho

"Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"
Karl Marx - last words

"My advice to you if you want to lose a bit of weight - don't eat anything that comes in a bucket."
Billy Connolly

"THE PEDIGREE of honey Does not concern the bee; A clover, any time, to him Is aristocracy."
Emily Dickinson

"Oh, I think we just scared the wrong kind of people. People who lack vision. They only see the obvious. They see the sun go down, but they don't see it rise."
Kim Ross's mom from Dresden Codak

Split your lungs with blood and thunder/ When you see the white whale/ Break your backs and crack your oars men/If you wish to prevail
This ivory leg is what propels me/ Harpoons thrust in the sky/ Aim directly for his crooked brow/ And look him straight in the eye
Lyrics to "Blood and Thunder" by Mastodon



ruveyn
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17 May 2010, 8:07 pm

No good deed shall go unpunished --- Oscar Wilde

ruveyhn



nick007
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17 May 2010, 11:51 pm

One of my favorite quotes is from the MTV series Daria witch was FINALLY released on DVD a week ago :arrow:
"I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else."

Another great quote is from the show DuckMan :arrow:
"Comedy should provoke! It should blast through prejudices, challenge preconceptions! Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you. Sure, humor can hurt, even alienate, but the risk is better than the alternative: a steady diet of innocuous, child-proof, flavorless mush! Demand to be challenged, to be offended, to be treated like thinking, reasoning adults. And raise your children to be the same. Don't let a comedian, a network, a Congressional committee, or an evil genius take away your freedom to laugh at whatever you want."


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syzygyish
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18 May 2010, 2:38 am

Dogbert: They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I'm immortal.


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18 May 2010, 5:54 am

I'm not young enough to know everything-Oscar Wilde



Booyakasha
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18 May 2010, 6:01 am

The best eulogy ever:

Quote:
Graham Chapman, co-author of the 'Parrot Sketch,' is no more.

He has ceased to be, bereft of life, he rests in peace, he has kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the Great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky, and I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, such capability and kindness, of such intelligence should now be so suddenly spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.

Well, I feel that I should say, "Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard! I hope he fries. "

And the reason I think I should say this is, he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste. I could hear him whispering in my ear last night as I was writing this:

"Alright, Cleese, you're very proud of being the first person to ever say 's**t' on television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to be the first person ever at a British memorial service to say 'f**k'!"

You see, the trouble is, I can't. If he were here with me now I would probably have the courage, because he always emboldened me. But the truth is, I lack his balls, his splendid defiance. And so I'll have to content myself instead with saying 'Betty Mardsen...'

But bolder and less inhibited spirits than me follow today. Jones and Idle, Gilliam and Palin. Heaven knows what the next hour will bring in Graham's name. Trousers dropping, blasphemers on pogo sticks, spectacular displays of high-speed farting, synchronised incest. One of the four is planning to stuff a dead ocelot and a 1922 Remington typewriter up his own arse to the sound of the second movement of Elgar's cello concerto. And that's in the first half.

Because you see, Gray would have wanted it this way. Really. Anything for him but mindless good taste. And that's what I'll always remember about him---apart, of course, from his Olympian extravagance. He was the prince of bad taste. He loved to shock. In fact, Gray, more than anyone I knew, embodied and symbolised all that was most offensive and juvenile in Monty Python. And his delight in shocking people led him on to greater and greater feats. I like to think of him as the pioneering beacon that beat the path along which fainter spirits could follow.

Some memories. I remember writing the undertaker speech with him, and him suggesting the punch line, 'All right, we'll eat her, but if you feel bad about it afterwards, we'll dig a grave and you can throw up into it.' I remember discovering in 1969, when we wrote every day at the flat where Connie Booth and I lived, that he'd recently discovered the game of printing four-letter words on neat little squares of paper, and then quietly placing them at strategic points around our flat, forcing Connie and me into frantic last minute paper chases whenever we were expecting important guests.

I remember him at BBC parties crawling around on all fours, rubbing himself affectionately against the legs of gray-suited executives, and delicately nibbling the more appetizing female calves. Mrs. Eric Morecambe remembers that too.

I remember his being invited to speak at the Oxford union, and entering the chamber dressed as a carrot---a full length orange tapering costume with a large, bright green sprig as a hat----and then, when his turn came to speak, refusing to do so. He just stood there, literally speechless, for twenty minutes, smiling beatifically. The only time in world history that a totally silent man has succeeded in inciting a riot.

I remember Graham receiving a Sun newspaper TV award from Reggie Maudling. Who else! And taking the trophy falling to the ground and crawling all the way back to his table, screaming loudly, as loudly as he could. And if you remember Gray, that was very loud indeed.

It is magnificent, isn't it? You see, the thing about shock... is not that it upsets some people, I think; I think that it gives others a momentary joy of liberation, as we realised in that instant that the social rules that constrict our lives so terribly are not actually very important.

Well, Gray can't do that for us anymore. He's gone. He is an ex-Chapman. All we have of him now is our memories. But it will be some time before they fade.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkxCHybM6Ek[/youtube]



Last edited by Booyakasha on 18 May 2010, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

reginaterrae
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18 May 2010, 6:59 am

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no more hurt, only more love.” -- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

"Where there is no love, put love, and you will draw out love." – St. John of the Cross

“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.” -- Jalal ad-Din Rumi

"Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, 'Abba as far as I can I say
my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as
far as I can, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?' then the old man
stood up and stretched his hands towards heaven. His fingers became like ten
lamps of fire and he said to him, 'If you will, you can become all flame.'" -- sayings of the Desert Fathers

"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." -- Kahlil Gibran

"... if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears." -- Kahlil Gibran



Last edited by reginaterrae on 18 May 2010, 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

b9
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18 May 2010, 7:01 am

"""



NathansMommy
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19 May 2010, 12:35 pm

"If there is a universal mind, must it be sane?" - Attributed to Charles Fort, but not confirmed.



IdahoRose
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19 May 2010, 1:26 pm

Edward Scissorhands

Bill: "Soup's on!"
Edward: "I thought this was shishkabob."
Bill: "Yes, it is shishkabob. It was just a figure of speech, Ed. You've got to learn not to take things so literally."

Bill: "You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."

Edward: Kevin, you want to play Scissors Paper Stones again?
Kevin: No!
Edward: Why not?
Kevin: 'Cause it's boring! I always win!

Sweeney Todd

"There are two kinds of men and only two, the one staying put in his proper place, and one with his foot in the other one's face."

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Johnny Depp ver.)

"Everything in this room is eatable! Even I'm eatable! But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

"MUMBLER! I seriously can't understand a word you're saying!"

"Good morning starshine! The Earth says hello!"

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Gene Wilder ver.)

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

"If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates."

"So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."

Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton ver.)

The Mad Hatter: "You used to be much... muchier. You've lost your muchness."

The Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad?"
Alice: [checks his temperature] "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret - All the best people are."

Alice: "Sometimes I've believed in as many as 6 impossible things before breakfast."
The Mad Hatter: "That is an excellent practice."



Booyakasha
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19 May 2010, 1:38 pm

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Religion is just mind control.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

George Carlin