[ LONG RANT ] I'm Tired.

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25 Oct 2019, 2:38 pm

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.[/quote]

I would have to agree with you. This is a case of "Ignorance is bliss".

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Fnord
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25 Oct 2019, 3:20 pm

blazingstar wrote:

... I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

As I've posted before, had I known that I was "supposed" to be disabled as a child, I might never have had the incentive to prove my detractors wrong when they said that I would never amount to anything. As it is, I didn't find out how disabled I was "supposed" to be until my 50s. What a relief! I finally understood why I had to struggle twice as hard all my life to be just as good as everyone else.

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Pepe
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25 Oct 2019, 4:42 pm

domineekee wrote:

I'm sorry that some people find your style abrasive, being forthright is an aspie trait and one that I share. As far as I'm aware, you're not part of any gossip circles, which I respect.

Fnord is a cut down version of me.
I paid for the "diplomacy" and "humility" mods when I was created. <facetiousness+ psudo-irony>

I like the way Fnord thinks and can often connect with his values.
However, :mrgreen:

One of the things I find odd about him is that he has shown elements of elitism in the past which I am convinced isn't him simply being ironic/self-deprecating in a convoluted way.
Rather than having a problem with this, I find it "interesting".

Fnord wrote:

I finally understood why I had to struggle twice as hard all my life to be just as good as everyone else.[/color]

You mean *almost* everyone else.

Pepe
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25 Oct 2019, 4:59 pm

blazingstar wrote:

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

I respectfully disagree, in my particular case.

I tried/pretended to be "normal" until I was about 20.
It did nothing but ret*d my personal growth.
I lived in utter confusion when I was young.
That did me no favours, trust me.

I am prepared to accept I was a "special" case, but personally speaking, I think it is better to "know oneself" and "to thine own self be true" so as to have a cohesive sense of self to build upon.
In hindsight, I would have prefered to have gone to school with my own peers rather than be the odd kid that everyone talked about behind his back.
I can't recommend "always being on the outside looking in" as a positive lifestyle.

Yes, it does allow psychological muscle building to a large degree, but the harshness of life makes life pretty much not worth the effort, in reflection.
Once I'm outta here, guys & gals, I am definitely not coming back.
My "tombstone" will read: "Thank god that is over with". :mrgreen:

Donald Morton wrote:

I would have to agree with you. This is a case of "Ignorance is bliss".

Nope.

Edna3362
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25 Oct 2019, 5:13 pm

I do not know well what to say or feel about this.
But I do know that I'm just glad for the OP. That's just it, maybe.

The guy already made his choices, went through things with the way he sees it: that includes how most people in his generation 'sees' it by excluding the label autism to blame for nor bask at.
It just happened that he took a very focused yet gruelling path with this and it worked out through it in the end.

No more, no less whether it's the same for everyone or not -- it's definitely not the same for me.
My own conclusion was that not everyone understands, just as those said everyone else accuses the OP not to understand nor get it.

The only way I can truly relate to the OP was this of extent; I was out from some stuck of a cycle that most autistics had to deal with.
I want others out of that cycle of course! It's just frustrating to see and watch them stuck on that way of feeling and thinking.
So I share what I thought and felt, what I went through and go through...

But many don't get it... Not yet. I had just realized many lack specific prerequisites to get the right messages.
I also lack certain prerequisites towards another, and to pin point what's missing in both parties -- all I know is that gap exists and it's frustrating to cross the gap without knowing what to fill in there.

Instead of controlled and focus oriented with no nonsense stuff to oppose internal dramas and detractors...
Mine happened to not have the same tones and concepts to oppose the overly-need of 'safety', working around said dramas and some circumstances.
Since my own direct answers can't reach them because of circumstantial differences, then I'll just give others things/statements to think about (if ome ever bothers) and get their own conclusions or ideas out of it.

TLDR + Not interested in my story:

To the OP, good luck with whatever you're planning.
Who knows.. We might even coincidentally cross physical paths someday and neither of us knew! :lol:

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cubedemon6073
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25 Oct 2019, 8:49 pm

domineekee wrote:

I'm sorry that some people find your style abrasive, being forthright is an aspie trait and one that I share. As far as I'm aware, you're not part of any gossip circles, which I respect.

His style is abrasive. But, it's not his abrasive style I take issue with. It's his overly-simplistic style I take with.

Pretend skit. I don't actually live with my parents but let's say I did.

Me: I'm unhappy living with my parents.

Him: Why don't you move out?

Me: *thinking* If I could have or knew how to come up with a plan to do so then wouldn't I have do so?

Have you all seen BeetleJuice? If so, do you all remember the Handbook for the recently deceased? And, do you all remember the scene where the couple wanted help and they looked through the book and it said "if you need help draw a door?" Do you remember how confused they were and Barbara kept saying "I don't know why we keep looking in this stupid book?"

This is Fnord, his advice and his help. It's bunch of overly-simplistic pat answers that amount to nothing. It's pure unadulterated s**t that one can go out into the NT world and hear as well.

But, his advice and/or help never takes the person as whole into account. Both his abilities and disabilities. He never really talks to the person to get a comprehensive understanding of who and what this person is and never provides any real insight at all. Fnord is quick and fast with labels and judgement without understanding. If he wants to help people out then you have to be like Henry Higgins from the play My Fair Lady and take time, understand, and really teach. Rome wasn't built in a day.

But, he is thinking he is this guru that gives profound and wise advice but what he fails to grasp is that others keep balking at his advice again and again yet insists upon giving it in the same overly-simplistic sloganized format which is devoid of any substance and is a bunch of clap-trap.

Understand the person and the issues and abilities he has before you open your mouth and then help the person come up with a comprehensive plan.

magz
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26 Oct 2019, 2:35 am

blazingstar wrote:

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

"Sink of swim" makes me wonder - could the suicides in my family have been prevented? Would my cousin, lost under a heap of psychiatric diagnoses - a fate I narrowly escaped myself - be weird but sane today? Would persons like Firemonkey have been better today if their condition was recognized earlier?

For every individual who swims, how many sunk?

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auntblabby
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26 Oct 2019, 2:44 am

i am stunted in life and never was able to figure out how to unstunt myself.

magz
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26 Oct 2019, 2:46 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

domineekee wrote:

I'm sorry that some people find your style abrasive, being forthright is an aspie trait and one that I share. As far as I'm aware, you're not part of any gossip circles, which I respect.

viewtopic.php?t=381627

If you find someone's advice useless, don't ask them for advice and ignore their advice if given without asking.
If you suspect unwanted advice may trigger you, use The Haven. I retreat there whenever I'm nearly-suicidal. In The Haven you can rightfully report unwanted insensitive advice.

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EzraS
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26 Oct 2019, 5:13 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

domineekee wrote:

I'm sorry that some people find your style abrasive, being forthright is an aspie trait and one that I share. As far as I'm aware, you're not part of any gossip circles, which I respect.

What you are describing sounds like a theory of mind issue. There used to be another member that many people tried getting through to to get him to understand how he came off to others, and all he did was argue against it. He had theory of mind issues. It wasn't him who had a problem, it was everybody else who had a problem.

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26 Oct 2019, 7:40 am

Why is it that when Fnord lays himself bare for all to see, out comes the self-righteous nay sayers to nit and kick and criticize? Does it make you feel superior to bring somebody down? If you lack the capacity to be supportive, then just keep your personal biases to yourself.

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26 Oct 2019, 7:53 am

Right you are good sir. I hop around so much sometimes I don't realize what section I'm in and or what the OP is. My bad.

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26 Oct 2019, 8:18 am

Cubedemon did articulate well; Perhaps all of us could benefit from prefacing our advice with questioning WHY the member we are answering/advising is stuck in the situation causing unhappiness.

Many of us are trapped and are very, very much aware of the alternatives:
Homelessness, unemployment, alienating//losing what few friends (acquaintances, really) that we do have.

Venting is one thing here at WP, but in our lives, it can cost so very dearly.

:cry:

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cubedemon6073
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26 Oct 2019, 9:01 am

Sylkat wrote:

Thumbs up

And, it just occurred to me. I think I know how I learn best. I learn best through intricate and deliberate discussion and hands on. I think my learning style causes issues including here.

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26 Oct 2019, 11:53 am

magz wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

You are right, of course. I don't know how one would check on that.

From the other side, I personally know HFAs whose treatments and parents are permanently stunting them.

You have to play the cards you're dealt. There's no way to ensure that life perfectly matches everyone's needs.

Pepe, I acknowledge others may feel differently and have had different life experiences. I'm sorry you don't enjoy your life.

Cube, you are correct there are things the OP doesn't recognize. That is true for all of us and I don't see the point of pointing out one persons blind spot when we all have them. I spent many years bemoaning my fate and that others had it so much better than I. What works for some, does not work for others.

Oscar Petersen, the famed jazz pianist, had a father who continually criticized his playing and was quite cruel about it. Had I been raised that way I would never have touched the piano again. But Oscar, even as a small child, found this challenge, to make his father see how good he was. Under conditions that would have devastated me, Oscar flourished.

In my life, mostly I was jumping from one frying pan to another. I had no idea what to do, I just knew I had to keep moving. I did not have family to turn to. That forces one to look for other solutions. It was not virtue that made me keep trying. It was necessity and stubbornness.

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BenderRodriguez
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26 Oct 2019, 12:13 pm

blazingstar wrote:

I left home at 15 and clawed my way into and through a variety of situations, but the end result right now is owning my own business, a husband who loves me, and owning my home in the swamps and woods where I want to be. It wasn't easy, a lot of it was horrible. I'm not as smart as you, Fnord, but I am extremely stubborn.

I don't always agree with you, but I value your point of view and your ability to reduce confusing things to their essence. There are things you don't see and you are comfortable where you are. But there are things I don't see, things other people don't see. None of us knows or understands it all.

I don't understand why you have become a lightening rod for so many, but I see from some posts that has happened. These posts grieve me.

I'm not as good at explaining things as others. Mags has expressed my thoughts pretty well.

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

I strongly relate to this - I had to fend for myself since I was 14. I do have a lot in common with both you and Fnord.

I'm not sure about the last part - magz makes a good point about those who "sunk", as for myself I know I paid a very steep price for keeping afloat and often feel deeply damaged, to the point I sometimes wonder if it was worth surviving. And I've always known there was something "wrong" with me, I just attributed it to different reasons.

But I do believe that some in our generation don't see how while the young ones might not have some of our problems they do have a whole new set that we didn't have to deal with. I have two teenagers in the house and work with a lot of young people and I'm very aware that often enough they cannot go about things the same way we did - times changed.

Fnord - I consider you a valuable presence here, although I agree that it might be better if you stayed away from certain topics - it's what I do. But I also think you should be allowed to post what and where you want - within the rules - and I strongly disapprove of the way you have been publically attacked countless times seemingly without any consequences. Same goes for blazingstar - I have never seen an "abrasive" or malicious post made by her, yet she's openly targetted too and so are others. If you're ever asked not to address certain people or stay out of some sub-forums than other people should also stop talking about you in the third person and the whole "I would be fine if it wasn't for Fnord and blazingstar who want me to fail and die alone" etc need to stop.

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