Becoming a monk/nun?

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There would be two main problems for me.

One: I need music, namely, my viola, but also lots of very loud metal and other strange things.

Two: I don't like spending time with groups of women. They drive me crazy!

Three: I need the Internet to survive.

...Some years back I remember reading about a place , in Britain I believe , that , in recreating the style of a , if not maybe precisely medevial , old times castle/grounds...wanted to hire someone to be a " hermit " on the grounds - Not specifically religious rule-based (At least not the modern-day version - though I imagine people who have at least some yearnings that way might , whether they consiously realized it or not , answer that ad . ) , but...And a whole lot of people who wanted to do it answered the ad ! !! !! !! !! !!
Tghe thing is , I'm probably too old to join a monastery now , anything else aside ~ Bluntly , I think they'd tend to want someone young enough that they would get at least some years of work - in whatever sense - out of them , before they became old and they had to support them totally ! !! !! !! !!
Cynical me .