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Truth and Reconciliation.

If a near death experience is a good contrast in comparing ungratefulness of mundane life...

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It's like some people can't read the clock at all.

So many bangs. So bloody loud I wouldn't call them fireworks anymore, just bombs. No sparks, no lights, just k-boom. Very bloody entertaining.

-need to listen for the kettle whistling (for tea)
-need to upload some more observations so I can round out my tally for 2021.

Stone Cold Steve Austin's t-shirt that references the bible verse 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Wilderness canoe tripping.

Trump a Radiohead fan?

Whenever I tried matching stages and developmental levels with my personal trajectory, there's always a gap somewhere in the middle -- and that middle part is either non-existent or is at way later stages.

Levels of awareness?? I have to skip level 3, concerning about socialization levels.
Stages of development?? I have to skip adolescent ages.
Levels of moral developmental?? I have to skip societal and cultural levels.
Maslow's pyramid of needs?! Why not skip the sociological components?


It's like... Yeah, I can pass and graduate in PhD classes, but will fail at high school.

Even in learning.
Why just skip the symbolic stuff and go straight to something more concrete?



Sure, in many autistic cases, a lot of learning seem to be in reverse -- advanced stuff to basics.
So, does this mean taking the typical route of 'basics to advanced' would mean this gap will be present??

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Reflecting on the fact that I had to pretend not to be, who I was as a person - a Christian, at my old workplace, because I had been emotionally wounded by fellow Autistic folk for being a Christian circa 2012 - 2015. At the old workplace, I was terrified of reliving the horror of my entire life & faith being placed under attack by a bunch of people who seemed to have literally zero empathy.

"Oh, they (from your perspective) - are different (me), let's just bully them to death - it won't have any long-term mental health effects and this won't be contrary to my position on social justice at all."

People need to learn not to be manipulated, it's essential for not just physical safety, but also the mental health safety of yourselves & others.

Everything is not what it seems online. People who are genuine & honest and transparent with their thoughts, who don't put their thoughts through an excessive 'filter', might come across as not very nice to some people.

But it's so, so much worse to have someone who pulls the puppet strings of everyone for the sole purpose of self gratification.

The guy you called an incel in a thread on a mental health forum might be the guy who has schizophrenia and is an individual in the United States with access to a gun, and then goes onto to shoot someone? You would then indirectly be the cause of real life death.

Karma's a b***h & if it is a real thing (I believe it is) - you will probably pay in some form for those actions. I am not talking here about specific people taking 'revenge' - but the universe itself recognising your bad deeds and giving you bad luck or more bad health or whatever.

Just be a nice person. Be kind. Even when you have no reason to be.

Reflecting on the fact that there will be many people who would literally enjoy my death during the Covid pandemic, or me taking a vaccine.

How twisted can people even be?

This is why I don't go outdoors much. The internet is even worse a lot of the time.

I liken it it to walking into one oblivious, screaming mouth, of swirly-whirly hypnotised doom, once face at a time.

Okay, so there are some nice people, but there are some that really aren't. People need to stop being naive.

What people thinks I want from people: Validation, emotional support, company, whatever equivalent for thumbs up and compliments


What do I actually want from people: Data, data, data


Emotional support? I don't expect any of that from a non relative, strangers, acquaintances or even those I trust very much yet are never my equals.

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Drunken Excess. Obnoxious Human Foolishness. Modern day Saturnalia. It's over now. New Year.

Really... Really hope those chrysanthemums actually flourish. I've been trying to germinate some several times already.

Then finally, it's still cold season and I planted some. Now it germinated, now I hope it grows, flowers and flourish.


And once it does... I'll do chamomiles and asters next.

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Two people. One boat. Both want to be captain.

Had my own fireworks out in the cypress swamp.

That I said that certain people weren't real, years ago, on an internet group and people seemed to interpret that as me being crazy?

It was actually me being smart.

I meant that they were intellectually imprisoned in a false reality, and their minds didn't have thoughts with any substance to them. Not that they were not biologically real.

They were thinking as constituent parts of a group collective - a hive mind. They had no mind of their own. The ultimate 'sheeple'.

My Autistic communication issues prevented me from relaying that to them at the time, along with being gaslighted by this group of people and given no chance to explain myself without being viciously attacked.