What's on your mind right now?

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Collections? Oh my word. That would be doubly-brutal. You deserve a Purple Heart and the Victoria Cross.

My first job was selling coupon booklets from a call centre. At night, in a little room upstairs in a dingy part of the city. No windows. Lots of people with rotary phones, smoking.

I remember saying in my Mouseketeer voice, "They're good until September, 1984!!" I can't believe people actually responded to random phone calls and bought those stupid booklets from drones like me who were disturbing their supper hour.

I had my first crush when I worked there. A guy named Kenny. My bosses tried to warn me that he was gay. I didn't pick up on it at the time but I could see it in retrospect. Kenny ended up dying because his appendix burst and he didn't get to the hospital in time. He was only a teenager.

Me too.

I hate making any appointment. Chances are I'll change my mind, and have to ring them again to cancel. That means every call is potentially two calls. I've never left a voicemail message in my entire life. I'm too scared to do that. I'm just awful with phones.

I haven't had my hair cut since late 2019 before the pandemic. I doubt I'll go back.

The worst part of leaving voicemails now is people see you called and just call back. They don't listen to the message. So I have to say the same s**t twice.

Phones. If it's a stranger, different, if it someone you know, I can enjoy it. And if a person is talking to somebody I know, I can be like "Hey, let me talk to them" I will insist on talking to some people. (Ever do that?...) It all depends.

I can talk quite naturally, smoothly, I know how to communicate verbally. On phone, IRL, Online (how am i doing... ) I prefer IRL of all three, because you can react better, it's full sensory data. Phone is okay, you can detect nuances in voice. Text, the least personal, and also the hardest to effectively communicate. Because it's just words. No body language,no tones, no facial movements, all that is stripped away.

As far as nervousness using phones, I can see apprehension, but , Isabella, you saying you've never been enthusiastic to speak somebody? is it always a nightmare, surely you get desensitized, and Lama, a call center, wouldn't that make you a pro, eventually wouldn't you get so used to it, that phones would became second nature. Surely nervous system has to adapt. I know nervous systems can be stubbornly resistant to change, kinda like "stretch Armstrong", lol, remember that? I can adapt, be more extroverted, social, for a while, but I always seem to revert back to form. Like that stretch rubber material. It just goes back into shape.

I no longer feel guilt or fear.

Yes caped crusader, Robin can't speak now, he's all tied up at the moment.

(What's that white substance...kinda like flour...maybe that's why. Riddler was so hyper)

It's always been a nightmare on phones
I have selective mutism and don't like speaking
I have an auditory processing learning disability (delay)
I also have misophonia and sensory issues (can't stand random noises)
I can't stand the sound of a phone ringing
It interrupts me and breaks my train of thought (ADHD - can't get back to it)
If the person drops something, or shuts a door, or makes any weird noise -- I panic
I also have misophonia about human voices if they drone on for too long (radio, tv, weather reports)
Most people shout in my ear, far too loudly (no matter how many times I tell them)
I hold the phone on my left ear, and their voice makes my right ear pop (always)
People talk too fast, and / or repeat things too much (or ... not enough to be clear)
I don't know when it's my turn to talk
Phone calls seem to be question after question after question
"How are you. What are you doing. Do you want to .... What time is the .... "
I hate answering questions because I have a processing delay
It feels like interrogation
One friend always says (shouts) "Are you there?!" or "HELLO?!" if I pause for even a second
People judge my tone of voice, like I have to sound uber-enthusiastic or else I hate them
"What's wrong? You sound tired. You sound sad. You sound angry. You sound .... "
I can't multitask (feed cats while talking and holding phone)
I don't know who else is listening on the other end
One person had me on speakerphone without telling me
Sometimes (most times) companies are recording you for training purposes
I get wound up from all of this ^ and they start treating me like I'm difficult
I end up saying whatever I need to say, just to get off the phone
Then I have to deal with whatever I said wrong (call them back / sort an issue)
I don't know how to "wind it up" and get the conversation to stop without being rude
I can never find my mobile
I don't know how to answer my mobile, or hang it up, or check something online when talking
I push buttons randomly and end up having to shut the phone off
I hang up on people accidentally, with my face
I have no idea how to answer it when driving (has never worked)
I use a landline for any talking
Oh, and sales calls -- upon which I hang up
Oh, and phones ringing and waking me up when I finally get to sleep from insomnia
Oh, and "push one -- push two -- push pound"
And hold music


That's just a few of the reasons.

Yeah sometimes, it just winds up naturally and sometimes, it's like "Okay, i got to go now." or "okay, I will take that into consideration. thank you." or if its somebody I know..(I'm trying to think...) " okay I'll let you go" or " ill let you get back to what you were doing." Stuff like that.

That's why i say NT and ASD are the best couples, in another thread, because one can do phonecalls, while the other, who is not naturally inclined doesn't have to. Complementary strength and weakness. But I'm practically near NT, anyway. So There's really nothing I can't do , than anybody else can do. Often delegating a task, sometimes, can be a bad idea. Sometimes when you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself.

Workarounds, effective solutions, is important. If it's not just a confidence issue, but a sensory disorientation, If your' nervous sytsem will not comply....even with medications trying to stimulate you. Then that is unfortunate. That's when you could really do with others acting as delegates, so it gives you a break, lets you relax from pressure.

Most of my issues are with friends and family.

I've told them my needs but they say "Well, I don't like screen time ... so we have to compromise".

I understand that, but if they're unhappy with screen time and I'm unhappy with talking, I'd rather not talk at all.

I do use Relay sometimes for business calls, but not always.

I have had the same experience. I was fully reliant on text relay from 2009 until 2011 during a period of extreme mental stress & vulnerability.

My family were not at all understanding.

Some NT's have their own trauma from their childhoods, especially boomers who were just told to get on with it/get on with things/get on with life. They then repeat these toxic messages to their children, when really they should be giving compassion.

Most of mine are ND, actually --

Sorry, not to keep dwelling on it, but yeah. No one in my family / friend group is NT.

(The family members that I talk to ^ , anyway).

I had some NT friends but had to give up on communicating with them.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 18 Feb 2022, 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, I am sorry to hear of your situation.

Well, in that case you are at a disadvantage then.

I have put up with a lot of crap from NT's, but their social sense is better than my Autistic sense & so I take advice from them often, even when that advice seems illogical.

Mother - ADHD, on the spectrum in some way (not sure what .. but autistic with opposite traits than mine)
- Also dementia and alcoholism, many strokes

Brother - Almost 100% certain he would be classified with Aspergers (the little professor type), ADHD

Exbf / Friend - Frontal lobe damage, ADHD, very probable ASD

Partner - PTSD (alters his thinking patterns)

All of my immediate family are neurodiverse, but I have some relatives that are more NT that I learn from, sometimes just by observing them on social media and hearing about them via family members.

Does Cathys ghost, mean a recognition of the afterlife and paranormal?
Just what is Heathcliffes problem?
Also why is edgar such a jerk?
And is Cathy a communist or a capitalist?
And just who built the deathstar...and how?
And mrs Linton,,, which one who played her, was the hottest?
Princess Leia , return of the Jedi attire....too much, or to be precise, too little?

It is perftectly reasonable to translate observations of other people you don't directly interact with - & turn that into your own behaviour if you want to be successful in any domain.