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I've wondered, since there are people in my life who are theoretically close to me but won't actually talk to me, how many people on my facebook friends list would be more willing to talk to me than my supposed real world friends. It is my theory that MOST of them would be willing to have a conversation with me.

Here's someone who asked even more than that from her facebook friends, and a shocking majority of them were willing to do way more than she even asked of them.

Are you really my friend?: Tanja Hollander at TEDxDirigo

The fact that I have 11 (not 10 as previously mentioned) - disabilities in all & that other disabled folk do not like the fact that I have had some success in life, despite all odds, so they have previously decided to wage a political war on me.

Humans are all the same, even some disabled people are like this.

We can't be having someone making us look bad. Oh no.

I did it. I joined one of those neighbourhood groups where you can ask for help online. That was terrifying for me because I don't like drawing attention to myself. I had to write an introduction profile saying a bit about myself and answering some pre-set questions. I didn't want to say "Hey, I'm a disabled woman living alone with my disabled daughter!", because of safety and privacy concerns. That could attract some freaky people. But, I had to say something like that in order to register. I also had to pin my location. Terrifying is ... an understatement.

Then I made my first post asking for help. It's been 30 minutes and nothing so far. Everyone else is getting Likes and comments and offers of help but I'm thinking I made a giant mistake. Even if someone responds, I'm scared they'll want to become friends or get chummy or knock on my door.

What have I got myself into?

But ... I can't keep going without asking for help, either.


Update: Someone very kindly volunteered to help me with groceries, if needed. I don't actually need grocery help because I get things delivered, but I can't receive deliveries unless my snow gets plowed. It was super sweet to see someone reach out, though. Maybe this won't be so bad anymore.

How do I thank the person but also say I don't need grocery help, without sounding ungrateful?

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 20 Feb 2022, 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hope everything works out for you

I can relate to this.

Unfortunately, there are predatory people even in disabled communities. Sometimes they are completely different people in real life than how they present online.

You are already doing some things right - i.e, limiting your social media output. There are a lot of creeps on social media who will literally stalk you for years (and will be making things up about you meanwhile, to justify their stalking).

You can blur your house out on apps like Google Maps if you have one or more online stalkers.

I found out my address has been shared online by someone I had given it out to online. Be careful.

Thanks. I might add my partner's name so it doesn't sound like I'm totally alone, but he doesn't live here.

I've limited my posts to just the immediate neighbourhood. I'm in a pretty posh area with double income families and retirees. Everybody seems to know everybody (except me of course, because I hide under rocks). It's so tight-knit, I'm not too worried about actual crime although of course I'm still cautious. There could still be weird people though. Most certainly.

The pin didn't go to my specific house but the general area, and I don't have a profile picture or anything like that. I think most offers of help would be arranged privately on the PM, similar to Facebook.

When I've found people to do outside work in the past (before this app) I paid by e-transfer and didn't have to meet them. I really hope I can do the same, and this app doesn't turn into a social club. That's just not gonna happen. When I first moved here there was a "women's group" of neighbours who met weekly to do "women's" things .... you can imagine how I ran like hell from that type of mindset, and refused to join.

Yep, I totally understand.

I have been taken advantage of by almost everybody I have ever met or known - and used in some way, either as a scapegoat, or as a comic caricature to laugh at.

If you are disabled, you are a joke to many people.

Even other disabled people will probably compare how many disabilities you have to them and laugh if you have more than disabilities' than them.

If you can afford it, get locally wired CCTV (not IP CCTV as that can be hacked online).

I have CCTV. I have a lot of security measures because I'm so afraid of people. My dog would eviscerate anyone who tried to hurt me. But yup -- I know where you're coming from. It's a scary world out there. It was very hard for me to decide to join this app. Now I'm going to be staring at it all day. I need help TODAY by the end of the day. I'm worried I should be doing a backup plan in case no one responds in time.

More to worry about, always.

I freaking hate being a homeowner with so many responsibilities. I should move to a new rock somewhere, but that opens up another can of vulnerability.

Yes, people are generally terrible. Normal people are only good for money to each other, mostly.

Disabled folk don't make money in general, so we are worthless to most people.

Especially in today's world where not many people understand general polite courtesy & kindness.

It is even worse when morally bankrupt people judge you by their own lowly standards and project their low expectations onto you.

Well that's good. You live in a nice area, and have your dog to protect you. Living is fear is not good. I get the world is a dangerous place, and you had traumatic experiences. But the local thing , you joined, is a good idea, if it means somebody might be able to help you clear snow and such matters which are urgent.



That's a rather pessimistic attitude. Everybody entitled whatever level of paranoia that want to experience. In my life, i have varied from total distrust, standoffish to no care whatsoever about my own safety, what other people think, and in between. At the end of the say, i find people aren't that bad, and most of this is just projecting your own fear and anguish on to the surroundings environment. Your own internal fears. Distorting things. I don't put much stock in the "im a victim of life,"mentality. It's waste of time. Sure people suffer hardships, but constantly dwelling on them, or fearing future dangers, helps nobody, and in many cases only hinders.

Whats on my mind now, that clown Boris Johnson saying Ukraine is gonna be biggest thing since 1945. Rhetorical BS. WW2 was a worldwide conflagration. Ukraine and Russia, is an internal localized affair. Like there hasnt been 10 different wars going on , somewhere, every year, since 1945. I don't expect WW3, I dont fear WW3. I dont care for politics. Elites playing their games.

Issy, you’ve posted gracefully online and I believe you would do the same.

My fix is something like thank you, that would be so helpful but the biggie is the driveway, I can get groceries delivered but the driveway is blocking them. I’ve could really use the help in clearing the driveway as that is the priority block for me with so much snow.


A little passive aggressive.

Some of the stories on my neighbourhood app are really heartwarming.

People are posting reminders to check on neighbours, shovel people's snow if neighbours need help or they are away from home, keep an eye on children and seniors walking outdoors, etc. There are people making care packages, providing trained home services like massage therapy for new mothers - free of charge, sharing excess food / products, pet-walking, pet-sitting, babysitting, running errands, and many other acts of goodwill. Many got together to send sympathy cards and bring prepared meals to a bereaved family. Lots of people also post photos of wild animals from their CCTV, so we will keep our own pets safe. Wolves are a problem right now. Then there are warning videos / photos of suspicious people lurking properties at night, and attempted burglaries. A little bit of everything. I was pretty shocked.

Overall there are hundreds if not thousands of stories about people doing nearly-heroic things for one another and for their community. It's made my day to read it all, rather like "Chicken Soup for the Soul".

Oh ... there's also a section where people can rate and comment on shops, local businesses and licensed tradespeople in many categories, warning others of whom to avoid, and recommending services that are commendable. Most of the people are posting before and after pictures of their services (like roof repairs, or construction). That really helps.

I need snow help, so I'm hoping someone will respond to my request. The people talking about snow ^ were quite a bit farther away so I'm not upset that no one replied to me yet.

Yes I'm still leery. I know people can be duplicitous, especially if I advertise my vulnerability. It's a balancing act.

The worst part for me is agoraphobia, scopophobia and mutism. I don't want to make friends with anyone. I wouldn't even want to go outside and chat if someone comes to help with the snow. That's my own issue (trauma, mental health) and it doesn't mean they're necessarily bad people, but I'm just extremely private. Then I also have to worry about my daughter's privacy because I'm a parent - so that's always first and foremost ahead of my own needs.

Thanks txfz1 - yes I will write something like that and thank them for their generous offer.

I'm not sure what's passive aggressive, though?

I would snow shovel for you if I lived locally. I occasionally shovel snow to let cars at my house out of the drive. Nothing like a good snow-shovelling.

If they are decent humans they will knock on the door to tell you they are out there working. Nothing wrong with talking to a stranger thru a crack door, I understand this will be difficult.

Couple options:

not answer and go out later where it’s open. Forget your coat so you have an excuse to cut it short.

have a friend answer the door or go out.

leave a note or thank you card on the door, mailbox, you’re currently in blackface and have covid, sign JT