What's on your mind right now?

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I would feel ashamed and guilty for accepting government benefits or cash from my sister. Today my sister emailed and asked if I needed cash. 38 years old. Part time minimum wage job. Plenty of 18 year olds working full time, two jobs.

Dignity

Itchy crotch

Considering calling out from work and running a marathon

Stuck in a rut. Neuroplasticity.

Don't feel like I could trust anyone

Reactive attachment disorder

Trust versus mistrust

Habituation versus desensitization

38 nothing accomplished. Emotional resilience gone a longfuck time ago.

Cory and Dena won't answer the stupidass email

Could use new friends but scared of rejection

After mister redelings and Rolando penis, I don't feel like I could handle another social rejection

Acting lessons

Also I don't know how much longer I could handle working as Lot Attendant. I have to be pushing carts whenever I am not loading, on break or lunch. Annoying coworkers and customers. Reckless drivers and off leash dogs and potholes.

My job is a three ring circus

Dumpster fire job ghettoass thugs work there

Childish coworkers

But if it was any better they would not have hired me

Kind of miss martial arts, but vaccine and $$$$. And annoying instructors and customers. Kayla b***h doesn't know anything about autism and doesn't care about anything except cash. f**k that b***h.

Youth. Weather. Sleep. Peace. The weekend.

I feel really happy.
I'm so thankful for Romanticism by proxy.
And bandages that make people better.
Memories of Nashville despite the blood.
Getting my fireplace fixed even if my cat goes in it now.
Antiquing and shopping in the real world.
My new pillow.
Getting my heat and my snow fixed even if it's still snowing.
My amazing kidlets and their amazing talents.
Getting my furniture rearranged.
Book-carrying helpers.
A conversation that went well. With actual verbiage.
Rest and stims and all the other wonderful things.

^Stimming is divine.

This scene from Six Feet Under, when George and Ruth receive a feces gift basket in the post:


Must be a late wedding present.
The card says, "To Mr. and Mrs. George Sibley!"
I like the sound of that, Mrs. George...
Oh, dear. What did we get?
Ew, what's that smell?
It appears to be excrement again.
No way!
Except this time someone went to the trouble to place one inside a decorative tin.
"To Mr. and Mrs. George Sibley."
Hmm, no signature, imagine that.
This is a catastrophe of the highest order!
This involves both of us now!
Who knows you live here? Why don't you care about this?

I've made a lot of enemies through the years, Ruth. You take the back-stabbing world of academia, throw in a controversial field like Geology, you've got real trouble.

Geology is controversial?
Oil, Claire. Oil. Look.
This is from a person who quite obviously is looking for a reaction. Somebody who needs attention, let's not give it to him.

That person isn't in the room. He can't see my reaction.

Toss this in the dumpster, then, would you?

A really silly realization of not planning my way to personal freedom except to wait it out and luck it or force through it a gamble of consequences.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

My brain gets scrambled til I can’t take one more thing. Not even one more teensie tiny thing.

Weekend. Work is done. Reading some critical essays on literature to unwind.

Today is a day I'd like more help with stuff at home. And less frozen stuff outside since it currently gets in the way of going places and doing things. Oh well such is life.

(give it 6 months and I'll be talking about the 100F, 37C, heat outside getting in the way of going places and doing things)

^ I agree. The good ones leave a great impact. Thanks for the names! One of my favorites is Harold Goddard. The Meaning of Shakespeare is brilliant. I also really love Shakespearean Tragedy by A.C. Bradley. (And Sexual Personae by Camille Paglia is still so unique...like a weapon burning through you.)

Time to dig through some Norton Critical Editions. Will start with Middle English Romances.

Critical essays and The Misfits...good Friday night...

I like libraries, book stores, and books. I use the library for free internet in lots of towns. I also like to visit bookstores. In my basetown, there was the half-priced/used bookstores to pore over. I really like to scan a friend's library. My current lifestyle won't allow for books, so I ebook it. It's just not the same thing as reading a book. I carry a couple books, more than I should. I can listen to fiction with the headphones or bluetooth.