What's on your mind right now?

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^Good or bad? A small, dim closet sounds nice right now.

It's 8x4, dark and uninsulated. With a magic trap door to the attic.

I don't keep clothes in it but it's interesting to see what all's in here.
I want to make it into a space for my kitties.
I'll add some extra shelves and cushions for the kitties to sit up high.
Their own little castle.
Maybe a funky ladder-type-thing, with steps secured on the wall for them to climb.
Mood lighting.
Remove the doors and put some kind of Boho curtains.
Maybe an old laptop with 24/7 bird videos on a loop.

You're welcome to squeeze in though.

I got a 91% on my Accounting test today.

Congrats, Brainiac! ^

I'm thinking about watching my wedding video.
I haven't seen it in about 30 years.
It was on one of those tiny 4" video tapes (not even sure what they're called).
Had it transferred to DVD, then never watched it.
I think all the talk about your wedding (Brainiac) has made me want to see mine.
Not sure if I can play it on my laptop with the external drive thingy or not.
Not sure if I can handle seeing my dad.
When he gave his speech, he was so nervous his voice cracked and people laughed at him.
He walked away from the mike in tears.

Should I or shouldn't I ?

lately i have not been feeling like interacting with anyone, or even being around anyone. that is not such a bad thing, due to Covid. however, sooner or later, the government will reduce or eliminate the covid restrictions. if/when the slave plantation makes my worthless corpse redundant, then i will have to get the next job. almost all minimum wage jobs involve more social interaction than my current job.

yesterday my "friend" hung out with me. the most recent time she did that was in the end of december. i was kind of excited to see her, but it was like (whatever). she came half an hour late, and she told me she was sick. (the day before yesterday, i specifically asked her to e-mail me if she got sick, but she did not do so.) fear contagnion. then she drove us to a lake. it wasn't particularly crowded, but b/c Coronavirus, i didn't feel comfortable being around all those precious lil "people". she also did not ask if i wanted to go. but whatever.

"there's something wrong with everything".
"chop wood and carry water"
"mind over matter".

she told me she works monday through friday nine to five. i work SuTuWFSa, 10am to five pm. and the public transportation takes a lot of time, money, and energy. while i have felt left out and lonely, especially as of late, hanging out with her wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

she told me that the IRS told her that she did not pay enough taxes 2019 and it sent her a bill for two thousand bucks and she is having a hard time paying for it.

why doesn't the IRS just send you a bill, instead of telling you to waste at least ten hours trying to calculate your own taxes? plenty of people are not good enough at english, math, computers, or accounting, to do their own taxes. seems that way is easier for everyone. for the past couple of weeks, i have been working on last year's taxes. paranoid the IRS will knock down my door when i make a mistake. but, there are so many questions, and they are worded weirdly. you can't guarantee it's perfect.

ASM Don is like "Reactive Attachment Disorder". he was all (knucklebumps) and "how ya doin' sir" for about half a year (a long time!). then a situation came up and he acted like he was going to write me up for losing a lock. (it ended up ASM wanzo left the lock on the ground. Don found the lock. i did not lose the lock. however, if don were not to have found the lock, he could've written me up, and i wouldn't've been able to do anything about it.) also, Don started mispronouncing my name. (that is borderline racism. passive aggressive, microaggression.)

Voice of Associates

last week, a day laborer had the nerve to bark some s**t at me in spanish and make fun of the way i walked (gait). i do not understand why the slave plantation allows all those day laborers to loiter in the parking lot all day long, every stupidass day. there are way too many of them. they urinate in bottles. they almost ran me over with their cars a couple of times. they laugh at me and scream things at me.

that stupidass slave plantation got all its priorities more mixed up than scrambled eggs, s**t.

felt like gorging.

my "life" was over a longfuck time ago.

working retail

Lot Attendant

loser

Hrmmm. I thought this was just me. I can't stop yawning when I sing. Seems I'm not alone.

can't stop yawning when I sing

Retiring. The harder I work on it, the more distant it feels. I know I am making progress, taking steps. Changing is almost as hard as working.

Shrove Tuesday
Pancakes
All the lard

Voices through the abyss can be the clearest and often the dearest, and they can also make the nearest feel earnest.

Found another one of those "life is just f*****g with me now" coincidences today when sorting things. I removed some stitches on a specific date back then.

My grandma, who stopped working in her mid-forties due to multiple disabilities.

She was full of life & was far more entertaining than a lot of working folk, even well into her 60's.

Of out of all times, it had to be in a less opportune and inappropriate time.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I think and/or feel like a screwed up with work yesterday. Weird. I keep putting the potentially feelings of being shamed out of my head. I don’t need this kind of hassle anymore.

Tried to sleep early. Only to wake up too early.
I hate the feeling of jetlag. I hate the sensation of sleep deprivation.

How the heck was it that my teenage and childhood self never had this problem?!

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Ukraine. Peace Testimony. Fighting back. Nuclear war. Worldwide computer crashes.

All the mothers who have to explain to their children why the bombs are falling, why they are leaving everything they know, why everyone is scared, why people are dying, why some mothers are picking up Kalishnakovs.

I have no f*****g clue!