What's on your mind right now?

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112 variations of outcomes and conditions.
Based on the time of the day, day of the week, and that time of the month.

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that city was also an unesco takeover, how is that a good thing, while unesco drapes the **coughukraine** flag around every thing but them bringing in "privatised security" isn't spoken of, im so amazed,
they(un) hand out money, who"s money? and bring in foreign "troups"
better find some pink and rainbow glasses and head out to find the unicorns in the gated "gardens"




random somewhere

Walled city of Jaipur gets UNESCO world heritage tag https://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-w ... ag-2769307

It's day...10 of regrowing the beard. Here's hoping I make it more than a couple of months there before I have to shave it off. (The sad face ain't for me.) I guess this one will come under sad life stuff, and there was a bit of that today, which my mouth will tell you to never mind, but my eyes will tell you the truth of that one. I guess Hume might have been speaking figuratively when he said there's nothing saying the sun has to rise day to day, as this son can't find it most days. The hillbilly philosopher known as Dill will say the darkness doesn't need much light to brighten the path ahead.

The short guy? That's Shaq. He's standing next to a replica of the tallest person documented, Robert Wadlow.

One for the munchies.
Two for that wall.
Three for... I don't know. Definitely not three unless it's times three.

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I'm trying to work out if I am recovered enough from covid to do some gardening today. I want to plant some heather that has been in the greenhouse over winter.

^^^ who is Shaq. Are they a user on here?

Even the most basic of things, no different from an active game of gamble, spent time and resources finding that one prize, one attempt at a time.
A prize may or may not last, or even exist.

Sigh.

And when I stop, it's still a gamble.
Only that it gains and spends nothing except pure luck of time and circumstance, a prize landing on my lap.



I'm sick of "waiting".
I'm tired of "chasing".

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Logistics, rivers, alcohol stoves. What do I really need?

Some basics if I'm being sensible (I'm usually not): Canteen or bottled water. Lifestraw (just in case). Outdoors knife (a cheap Mora Companion will do; emergency fire making mostly). Lighters. Medical aids and supplies applicable to the location (any medical condition/s too). Basic navigation stuff (compass and map of the location). That...thing, the mobile phone (curse upon such); I don't have one. Clothes that can handle the expected conditions; I prefer tones that blend into the environment, but some people prefer brighter stuff so it can be used for signalling (smoke works better).

A small satchel and your body can carry the needed things to keep you alive if something happens.

I suppose thinking about this has made me want to go for a walk through the woods.

I recognized the lack of reciprocity, curiosity and empathy a year and a half ago, but I let self doubt and the desire to be kind to everybody, including someone who was teasing me, override my better judgment. I let this s**t continue for so long that I feel humiliated. More so than in any point in my life, including when I was a kid and was bullied. And the worst part is that, contrary to my original thinking that this was something in the range between cluelessness and callousness, it is actually worse. It is intentional. It's called devaluing. It gives someone power over me. It is a conscious decision to manipulate me and make me feel unimportant and rejected. My misery probably brings satisfaction. My participation in my own gaslighting is humiliating.

I have wondered for so long why this bothers me so much, and even finding an answer does not lessen the misery. This has been a huge distraction, to the point of derailing, at a point in my life when I absolutely cannot afford it.

I said you were missing something. I still can't tell you what it is, because it still isn't for me to tell you, but I have learned that you, too, will experience the same s**t I am, if you aren't already. I'm so sorry.

Pendulums.

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Thinking about chance too. It appears luck has more of a say than we do over most of it. It's the reason we exist, and likely almost everything (maybe everything, maybe not). It's mostly out of our hands. When we realize this, we can sometimes stop beating ourselves up over why things go how they do, went how they did. It can lead to acceptance when you know how the game works. We do have a little say over it all, as we have the ability to act, which will create a chance that wouldn't have existed (albeit, it was created by chance, but I'll overlook that); whether the outcome is better if you act or not is mostly up to chance to decide.

I'd rather act than not when able to. I guess it's letting luck (life) know that we still have some say over ourselves, even though chance made it. I'm sure there's arguments to be had whether our ability to act or not over whatever is determined by our genetics (chance), but even if it is, life still knows how I feel and think there.

I don't mind it all though. Sadness and happiness, good and bad, are the things it makes. Some might have more bad/sad just as some might have more happy/good, but most will fall somewhere in the middle.

Well, this is what the hillbilly philosopher known as Dill thinks.

Next week, I'll buy a door knob and a padlock to my room.

Or, screw it and bring the whole thing with me everywhere I go anyway.
And only when I can lock the door from the inside I can finally leave it alone.

After all, I need a bag big enough to bring a PPE suit every work day.
Maybe I'll go with backpacks again. Not with a shoulder bag -- not very comfortable to run with it.


OR... Just go back to learning short hand, master writing and reading for real this time.

Or just get impatient enough -- craft or buy a pouch that fits a record book with a double zipper. And lock it.

Because someone at home refuses to respect my damn space and my damn privacy.

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