What's on your mind right now?

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Is there an app where I can program it to alarm and bleep for a second in every 15 minutes and without having to turn it off unless I don't wanna need to know another 15 mins had passed?

Closest I actually got is through a music player on loop.
It's basically a whole 14 mins and 59 secs of nothing and a sound at the last second.

Built in alarm clock on phone needs me to manually switch the alarm off and setting up takes a minute.
Or it won't stop playing for minutes. It also automatically snooze and plays every few minutes instead until I have to manually turn it off.

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I am now looking at a couple of other canoes for my trip. A 14 foot mohawk and a 17 foot winonah. The 14 foot is heavier than the 13 foot, duh. The winonah paddles like a dream. But winonahs are weird. Every day I pick up my 13 foot and portage it longer and longer distances to get ready for this summer. Got to regain my strength. I think I was starting to give up there for a while. Thinking I am old and can't get better. Can't get out to where my heart is.

Premise: Someone who likes you will be curious about you and will make time for you. Someone who enjoys your company will occasionally seek it. Someone who likes to talk to you will talk to you.

I've noticed that some things are really easy to understand in isolation. It bothers me because...it would bother anyone with a pulse.

Other things aren't so interesting until they get to be a history. Individual events don't rise to the level of irritation, and in isolation, by anyone else, would get a pass. But string together a whole history of these things happening and the whole nature of the problem changes. It may even take a while to establish that there is a problem. And by then I feel like a chump for letting it drag on. And I'm sure they think I'm pathetic for having such low expectations for friendship.

It seems unlikely I'll ever open up to anyone again.

On the other hand, I do always spot this s**t coming, and if I listen to my own reservations, I may disappoint or even offend someone, but avoid false hope. False hope is like the worst thing you can do to me. I haven't given much thought to whether that's a me thing, and autistic thing, or a normal thing. I've learned that much of the s**t that bothers me is stuff that bothers anybody.

World's oldest gummy bear.

One may ask, what does one do for several years if they can't partake in their interests and interact with anyone because of mental illness, but they still retain their cognition? Online "free" science courses/degrees is the answer. I am quite the fan of organic chemistry as it's very practical in the end.

No, I'm not good at schooling, but I can still learn the same at my own volition free of humans.

I feel like I want to punch someone, I'm so mad.

Whenever someone's telling me to be more social, my thoughts are filled with impure intentions.
By impure intentions, I meant abusive, unethical and illegal.

Anyone telling me that socializing is an achievement gives me different ideas of destroying the idea of said achievements.

And utterly annoyed -- just like how I'm annoyed at a person who insists I get a boyfriend for my own good.


Sure I have a choice to do "good" but I wouldn't like it.
And the choice to do "bad"? Tempting.

It's a dare to do bad and careless, but not good? Unless there's meticulous or 'perfect', which I'm neither... Maybe this is why.

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Tired of blowing blood out of my nose.

I saw a fan-made video for a band I like. It made me cry, unexpectedly. I realized there was something nearly everyone could get from it that I cannot. There's a reason that fan chose a live experience from which to make that video.

I sometimes wonder if my response to things is far out of the norm. I ran it by my dance coach, who has been a mentor on a surprising number of things.

"Well, duh! That'd depress anyone with a soul!"

Sanity check: successful, lol.

Concert tour coming up. I'm passing. I'd pass even if I had money. I don't do concerts alone. I'm told that's not unreasonable, either.

I remembered that a friend of mine went with me to a concert for an artist I was into and she wasn't, and two concerts for artists we were both into. One of those concerts was a private show by a big name artist, put on by my employer. I used to work for a very large company! Quite the memory.

Actually, I got my friend into that genre of music. So, I do have fairly recent experience sharing musical interests with adults. I'm not wrong about how sharing, curiosity and reciprocity works in friendships.

I have a new playlist, too, and a new dance to work on. Because music isn't supposed to remind you of your failures. And it IS supposed to be a shared experience. Even if that's just checking out what your friends are listening to.