Dillogic wrote:
Thinking about it, I don't really get much happiness in life. I think I've been getting distraction mixed up with happiness. I can feel it when I see that kindness from others, the bright things of life, but for the majority of life I see darkness. Life and/or disorder for too long, I guess. Nothing out of the ordinary though, as I've seen plenty of people who've been in a similar mess. I just hide it outside of these words. Maybe no one has really asked me before.

Are you ok? Mostly. Are you happy? Occasionally.
I'm such a joy.

Happiness comes when you aren't looking for it. For me, it shows up at unexpected times.
Although happiness doesn't happen to order, some things like contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, gratitude, and so on are still positive things in life.
Maybe you meant all those things too are rare in your life.
People here, I think, understand the darkness. It is safe to express it here.
I have spent years and years pondering these topics. It wasn't until I released myself enough to experience myself. The people pleasing, which I now know as masking, made my inner life miserable even if outside I looked okay. I really had to cut myself off from almost everyone. It took years to find myself under all those masks.
So, are you okay?
_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot