What's on your mind right now?

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May Day in Montréal

I try not to buy it for that reason too, blazingstar. People that care. Some other nice people would miss me too. I don't know why anyone does (I do know why), and I feel dead already, so it doesn't matter (it does matter).

Not knowing what's wanted of me in some personal matters is [mostly] on my mind. Maybe nothing is and time will count itself and those hands will cross on their own, as they do. Regardless, if something is, it won't be declined.

There's definitely something with one of my mental brain broken disorder disease illness things and altered pain tolerance, as I tore a muscle in my forearm yesterday without knowing it when doing physical activity outside. Just noticed it today due to the rather obvious swelling and bruise. I may have lifted something too heavy for one arm to lift. I kinda don't want to know what something like the trigeminal neuralgia would feel like without it. This also explains some other things.

I think it has more to do with autism and focusing so hard on something that you just don’t notice. Or at least that is how it is for me. I’ll notice an injury and wonder, how/when did that happen?

One of the interesting characteristics of people who survive is they do it for someone else. Certainly when I was involved in child raising, I kept going for the sake of my child.

I'm sure Autism is part of it all, and that too has altered pain tolerance oddly enough (it's not really brought up much). You bring up a good point there with not noticing things, and yeah, I tend to just see what I'm focused on and block out a lot of the world too, especially when I'm by myself in an environment with little background sensory noise. Which might not make much sense at first glance, but in an environment with a lot of sensory noise, I tend to be more sensitive to pain.

It's always nice knowing that there's people that care for and miss you, and people depending on you can make someone selfless. I just have troubles, innate troubles, where my automatic response isn't always the smartest one for my safety, even if it can come in handy sometimes. I have to think what others would think very quickly. I lack fear for most things people should fear but feel anxiety far too much over silly, small things, which is an ironic thing.

For almost 7 years, while I'm grateful for it, I'm still focused spending too much time playing by my weaknesses. Cycles of mediocre to near failures, cycles of having to relearn the same mistakes over and over.
And almost never played with my strengths to a point I may forget about it.

That one meeting today...
It gave me a chance. I want the change.
I want to just finally spend my time playing by my strengths instead of being stuck and stunted. I want to live that way.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Listening to the rain.

I'm arranging books in my new bookcase.
I looked on Pinterest etc., for new ideas of how to sort my books.
None of the bookcase ideas show books being used.
They're all saying "Use old photos, flowers, and vases."
Then one of the sites said bookcases are passé in "today's" home.
Good thing I live at Chateau Linton, which is yesterday's home.

Gee thanks ... now that I've moved about 400 books into alpha order by era, and I've had to separate my Richardsons to different rooms because one of them overate. Going by publisher didn't look right because I have so many random editions of everything. The white line on my Penguins wasn't consistent because it's higher on the taller books and it just looked scattered. I tried to do a North American collection but I didn't like that either. It never looked right.

Then there's the issue of my children's classics. That's what I'm working on right now. Milne, Lewis, Little House, The Secret Garden, The Velveteen Rabbit, Charlotte's Web. They want to be together but they're tiny hardcovers.

No matter where I put my Riverside Shakespeare, it looks unbalanced.

Also would you put Goethe under G or V? I picked G.

Example of screws falling out. ^

I was thinking of using my Psych textbooks to balance Shakespeare but they're at my mother's house and I couldn't be arsed to drag myself there today. Maybe tomorrow, which means I'll live in chaos until I can self-regulate.

Wait, how am I almost 23? When did that happen? Nah. Lies. I'm not an adult. Shh.

Frankly I wish I could hurry up and get a job so then I can get out there and experience things. I want to travel to different cities and I want to meet new people. My life is rather dull at the moment. Lately I've been considering learning how to play DnD. It'll certainly be interesting once I start learning how to drive. Shame I can't skip ahead to a part of my life that's more interesting than it is now, but I suppose I shouldn't wish my life away like that. I hope the rest of my twenties isn't so dull.

How do we know or understand someone when of necessity it is seen through the lens of our own experiences?

Another reason why I always should lock my room whenever I leave for hours: stolen items.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Someone stole one of my first pocket knives out of my bag a long time ago, which I'm still annoyed over, as my mother bought it for me. I kinda keep and collect the things she's brought for me for that sentimental value, especially when I was younger. I'd still be using it now.

Melancholy is on my mind. Along with various stitching techniques.

Trying to think of what's on my mind to answer this thread.