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Coffee's effects took over 2 days to leave my body. Probably 5 more with traces of it.


At least people have a choice of boost that is caffeine. I don't.
Nothing so far had cognitively help improve my days at all. It's all random.

I hadn't tried anything yet but...
... My 20s is wasted on "coping" instead of growing or exploring and I really, really hate that.

Coping what exactly?? It certainly isn't about autism anymore.
Autism made more sense than "this" undiagnosed annoyance since puberty.
Heck, even complex trauma makes more sense than this unreliable state of inconsistency.


... More like I'm coping about having a female body. And no, it's not dysmorphia -- it's this hormonal sensitivity sh*t.

Might as well pretend and live as if I have some sort of chronic illness, and live as if I'm a very physically vulnerable 60 who could have a heart attack after eating my favorites in a single sitting instead of supposedly healthy 20 year old who's supposed to enjoy them for weeks end.


Not that I ever regret my time spent. Not even my worst years.
I just want to get this over with and just move instead of having the same results over different yet within the same limited set of things over and over and over...

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I felt like I was going to have a meltdown at work, so I wore earplugs all day and sat in the car by myself during breaks. I hate sitting in the break room around other people + with the bright lighting.

I already feel too overwhelmed so I called in to work today. I feel like s**t and am so exhausted. I can't handle being around loud machinery and getting yelled at by my a**hole coworker all day without having a meltdown, so I'm not going to even chance it.

Leading causes of relapse: boredom, isolation, intense emotions/events and stress.

Former two isn't my problem.
It's can be basically just habits and distractions of another form, or novelty.

The latter two though??
Now that's a tall order. Typical for any aspie cases and I'm not an exemption to it.

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Central Park, in fall.
I went to a picture show but tore my dress.

Or, something like that.

500mg of specific brand of paracetamol gives me worse brain fog. Got it.

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I think Wellbutrin is making my vision much worse than usual. I thought I was just tired, but it has been getting steadily worse these past couple weeks, and now I can't see or read things farther away from me that well, plus I'm getting slight double vision. I hope this isn't permanent.

I cannot sleep now. For at least 3 separate reasons at the same time...

All are mainly internal.

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The parking lot has signs that say:

No trespassing
No loitering
No soliciting

Customer only parking. Tow away

And the day laborers loiter and solicit all day long and park in the parking lot and the slave plantation doesn't do anything about it.

It's like the day laborers marked their territory with urine like a bunch of wild animals


Those ass holes do little more than sit around talking and laughing all day long

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Wonder if tattletale tom got two weeks ago forced administrative leave for the Drywall Incident

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ASM Don

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Dead end " job "


Taking care break from cory and dena



Psychobabble extroverts

What am I forgetting? And where are the things I can’t find?

A dillogic moment.
Working outside and heard a branch snap.
But I'm functionally deaf
So I can't tell which direction sounds come from.
So I feel a bit freaked.
Add to that a glimpse of something moving down the driveway a few days ago
That may or may not have had a human shape.

Just trying to have a decent level of life with all the difficulties, I deal with in my everyday life.

Happy memories.

Waiting for them to announce the dates for the next railway strikes. I've got a feeling its gonna be when I go away. I've got an alternative plan if it does come to that but I'm still waiting for the news to come.

I've probably experienced more in the past 4 months than I was able to experience during the rest of my 21 years of life, which is great but also upsetting.