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RikMayall
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29 Oct 2017, 7:30 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

ZachGoodwin wrote:

How about you pick up a new hobby with knives instead of cutting. Like carving pumpkins, or cutting apples and oranges, cutting paper too. You can also use a knife to cut open a box or cut rope.

I think people need to start thinking of knives as tools.

It's more the blood I like. I actually don't use knives at all, technically I scratch myself instead of cutting (using pins usually, or pieces of broken glass sometimes), but I do it until I see enough blood. Seeing myself bleed just creates a sensation that's hard to describe, but I love it, and I've never gotten it from anything else. It really helps me feel better.

It really doesn't.

ZachGoodwin
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29 Oct 2017, 7:36 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

ZachGoodwin wrote:

I can think of thousands of diseases you can get from doing that.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 7:38 pm

RikMayall wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

It really doesn't.

When I was really struggling with depression a little while ago, it definitely did. It was the only thing I could find that made me feel something besides a dull sense of unhappiness. I have been really trying to stop now, and as I mentioned earlier, I don't even remember when the last time was that I did it. It's definitely not a good coping mechanism, but it was pretty much all I had.

_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

RikMayall
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Posts: 465

29 Oct 2017, 7:48 pm

You felt pain.
It can distract from anything.
That is it purpose, we cut we feel, our body screams, nerves demand our full attention.

Cutting is a bastard in disguise.

It lays the foundation for the next cut, made you feel better last time, cut again.

It distracted you.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 7:58 pm

RikMayall wrote:

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I've also read in articles online that self-harm releases some of the same endorphins as getting high, which is probably what causes that pleasant feeling I get from seeing myself bleed, and that it can become a real addiction - which is what I'm dealing with now.

Kuraudo7777
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29 Oct 2017, 7:59 pm

Boo wants to play! :heart:

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"A memory is something that has to be consciously recalled, right? But it's different from a memory locked deep within your heart. Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel...As long as I'm with you, as long as you're by my side, I won't give up even if I'm scared." Tifa Lockheart, Final Fantasy VII

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 8:02 pm

Kuraudo7777 wrote:

Boo wants to play!

Aww - give Boo some extra scritches from me. I really miss having a cat around.

ZachGoodwin
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29 Oct 2017, 8:03 pm

Sorry.

RikMayall
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29 Oct 2017, 8:05 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

RikMayall wrote:

Keep in mind that everyone here is rooting for you.
It takes a conscious action to cut, you have a choice.

You always have the final say.

Fight it, even if you tried and lost the last time.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 8:10 pm

RikMayall wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

RikMayall wrote:

Keep in mind that everyone here is rooting for you.
It takes a conscious action to cut, you have a choice.

You always have the final say.

Fight it, even if you tried and lost the last time.

Thank you. It was pretty hard for a while, but I seem to be doing better now.

Maybe I should never have brought this up again - talking about it is making me want to bleed again

ZachGoodwin
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29 Oct 2017, 8:12 pm

I can say stupid things that I regret later on.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 8:13 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:

I can say stupid things that I regret later on.

You didn't say anything stupid. A few weeks ago, what you said would have been exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear.

RikMayall
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Joined: 30 Jun 2017
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29 Oct 2017, 8:15 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

RikMayall wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

RikMayall wrote:

Keep in mind that everyone here is rooting for you.
It takes a conscious action to cut, you have a choice.

You always have the final say.

Fight it, even if you tried and lost the last time.

Thank you. It was pretty hard for a while, but I seem to be doing better now.

Maybe I should never have brought this up again - talking about it is making me want to bleed again

We are talking about it, of course it is there in your mind, don't waste energy beating yourself up for thinking about it.

We all have our own personal and individual methods of hurting ourselves. Yours features a little more gore than others, the driving force is similar though.
You have to confront your cutting, hiding it from everyone and trying to deal with it yourself just leads to cutting.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 8:19 pm

RikMayall wrote:

Yep, it helps to know that I can come here for support, advice, etc. when I need it, without needing to worry about the possibility of... more extreme measures being taken to get me to stop. WP is really the only place I feel safe and anything even remotely resembling comfortable talking about my issues.

dragonsanddemons
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29 Oct 2017, 8:26 pm

In other news, The Sims 4 Cats and Dogs expansion pack is coming out on November 10. I'm really excited about it, especially that they're bringing back the veterinarian career, which they haven't had since The Sims 1, and it's going to be very in-depth, too. But I'm also a bit afraid it's going to make me too sad because I still miss my KC.

Dragnet
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29 Oct 2017, 8:30 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:

I can say stupid things that I regret later on.

Well same here, incoming stupidity...

I am defeated, lost cause, no hope, death surrounds me but I sill feel the urge to post this while I going out the door. Don't miss understand my last gesture, I don't deserve grace, nor am I very self righteous, I did the best I could and found that wasn't enough and suffered defeat. Won a few battles but in the end, it was defeat. Remorse? Yeah but I can't change the past. If I could I would but I can't so no one can know if that is actually true or not. If it wasn't it would still be within the specs of a fallen man, that might be more depressing then anything but it is true and you'd think that would make me happy internally but it doesn't.

So I stand aside and just hope God has it figured out.

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