I confess.....

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I confess that I'm hating life atm....and I feel like somethings prey...a cornered mouse staring a snake in the eyes.

I know; when I had horrible social anxiety I felt like that at school and even more on the street; I couldn't even walk down the street without freaking out inside. Mind you, there *were* people who stared at people (particularly me... or was that just my imagination?) as they passed and looked like would beat the s**t out of you if they didn't like your face, but in retrospect I realize that a lot of it was just studying me to see if I had anything for them.

I confess that "inappropriate" laughing has caused me serious social strife. Several years ago, I was close friends with a female co-worker. Her name is Allison, and she is about 10 years older than me; brilliant and beautiful, but very neurotic; she happened to have the same Jungian personality type as I do, which is a rare one. We used to have the most interesting rambling conversations that sometimes went on for hours...

Anyway, she was single, and from time to time would become very interested (romantically) in other people in our workplace. One time she came to me and told me a story about how she was stressing out over approaching this guy she had a thing for; she'd spoken to me previously about this same guy, and I'd advised her to the best of my abilities. This time however, I was having a rough day, and she came to me, angsting about this guy she was interested in. And I laughed at her. Not because I found her predicament amusing, or anything at all about her situation funny... But simply because she caught me at a bad time when I was socially overloaded, and when she dumped all of this romatic anxiety and angst on me... I needed to find a way to make it go away somehow. So I laughed, out loud, whille she was telling me about her angst...

In retrospect, I didn't even really realize what I was doing at the time. It was simply a semi-subconsions defense mechanism; I was overloaded, and simply didn't know what to do, so I just started laughing, in a way that I now realize was probably very inappropriate. She stopped being my good friend soon after that, and turned very icy towards me. I really can't say that I blame her, but I didn't mean to laugh at her situation; I really just didn't know how to handle it, and kind of freaked out.

That inappropriate laughing is one of my social faux paus that haunts me deeply to this day. Maybe... Some day, I'll work up the courage to look her up and talk to her about it. Probalbly, it is a stupid social blunder that I will take with me to the grave.

I would not say that laughter is a bad thing "at any time"; it is often healing, and liberating, and diffusing. But... I've learned that it is something that can cause inadvertent injury. I hope you learn to laugh well and long when the occasion calls for it, for it is a good thing to do, in general. But there are occasons when laughter forms an inadvertent dagger of mockery, with which one may wound when no such wound is intended.

As the "socially ret*d", it is our curse to have great difficulty knowing the difference.

Good fortune,

- Johnathan Livingston

I confess... I hate having to put punctuation inside quotes at the end of sentences. Example: "doughnuts make good friends, if properly glazed."

I believe, it is much better and more logical to have the punctuation outside the quotes: "the last time I devoured a biscuit, my brain hemorrhaged".

The quotes is separate from the sentence... it shouldn't contain the marks of the sentence... bah it's just poor design.

I am frequently disappointed in languages and find them insufficient to my needs.

Oh, also... commingled means the exact same thing as mingled... that word should be stricken from the English language. I believe it's only to make people seem smarter than they actually are... if you throw a prefix on a word.. that automatically makes a word better... bah.

Last edited by Pugly on 23 Aug 2007, 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow, was that a morbid way to introduce one of the stranges videos I've ever seen. I confess, I've actually never done acid, but whenever I watch modern TV programming for kids, I suspect that the creators were on some heavy acid for some reason.

I confess, I miss Steve Irwin; he was the original (AFAIK), and spawned numerous imitators. But, I also confess, I think he had a good death, and I hope that my death is as good as his. I confess, I think I would have been a better camera man for him than some of the camera men (or women?) he had working for him. But, I also confess this is one of those "armchair quarterback" things. But I'm still right.

Good fortune,

- Johnathan Livingston

Haha, I confess that I often get confused about which is the right way of doing this. AND I'm a little scared that RainSong is going to "beat me in the name of grammar". I confess, I'm supposed to be an expert in this area, but I often make things up as I go.


AMEN, brother.

Good fortune,

- Johnathan Livingston

Yeah, I view language just as a tool for conveying ideas. If you are conveying the information you want to convey... then that is the right grammar to use.

To make an analogy from music... it seems like using proper grammar and following all the rules is like staying within a musical scale. But sometimes you have to break the rules to make it sound just right.

People shouldn't be limited by their own tools...

No, the same thing bothers me. I know the proper way to do it (punctuation inside the quote), but it doesn't seem right. If there is punctuation in the quote all ready (ie, the original, untouched and unquoted version of the sentence read Turkey vultures are useful creatures.) then it's all right in the quote ("Turkey vultures are useful creatures.") However, if it was not in the sentence originally (Turkey vultures are useful creatures according to public opinion.) then it shouldn't be in the quoted sentence ("Turkey vultures are useful creatures".) because placing it there would be misquoting. It wasn't there in the sentence I am supposedly repeating, and it shouldn't be there in the sentence I'm writing.

Of course that's wrong; according to the laws of grammar, it should be there. I just believe it shouldn't.

Agreed. Poetic license. Just ask Emily Dickinson.

I confess that I went to the grocery store, and on the way there, I mentally wrote a rather long "confession" about the evilness of the middle school principal (the way she treated my brother's class is angering) and what I think about her ruling; I fully planned on posting it here.

However, I confess that on the way back from the grocery store, I (temporarily, perhaps) lost all my anger, which has been replaced because of the next statement:

There's a baby donkey down the street! He's so incredibly adorable. I'd never seen a baby donkey before; they're so cute. (I completely adore with this little creature.) He's intermingled with the sheep; my mother, who knows the people who own them, said that we could go down tomorrow.

I confess that I'm more affected by said donkey than is normal; I think all of the anger (which was a lot) transformed into that.

He really is cute though.

I confess to Almighty Aspie that I am still euphoric over the notice about the adventure days on September 5th & September 6th.

I confess that I get a cheap thrill out of shaving with a straight razor. Doing so is both a lost skill, and a lost art (which is part of the thrill). I confess that I've tried all shaving methods known to man (with the exception of Nair or wax or other girly hair removal methods), and my straigh razor give me the closest shave of all of them.

Good fortune,

- Johnathan Livingston

I confess I haven't grown out of hitting myself when I am stressed, frustrated or upset and fear I might be one of few adults with AS to still do this.

Does slamming your head into things, hard, count? I confess, I do that all the time. I've often fantasized about getting into a head-butting contest with a Klingon. (WTF?)

Good frotune,

- Icarus the Head-butter

I can say with certainty that you are not alone in this.

I confess that I made my shrink laugh today when I told him that he would either confirm that I have AS or he would diagnose me as being the <bleephole> society has decided I am.

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Last edited by Graelwyn on 24 Aug 2007, 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.