Marknis wrote:
My head is feeling worse today. My will to live is decreasing more and more.

Big dragon hugs. I haven't been posting as much as I used to and this thread in particular can be too fast or hard for me to follow, but I wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking about you. I'm in a similar place, I think. I haven't really had a will or desire to live in years. Presently I'm really feeling like I'm just a parasite, that aside from the emotional attachment some people have for me, I have nothing to offer in return for all the support, and I'm entirely dependent on others since I have no source of income... and I don't really have any evidence that suggests that's likely to change anytime soon. But as others have mentioned, the fact that we're still alive after over a decade of depression shows that we both are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for - I too have a hard time remembering/believing that. It's very wearing, to say the least, and I don't blame you one bit for your will to live declining - I don't think anyone who hasn't had depression that lasts for years can truly understand what a toll it takes on one to be depressed for so long, and what a struggle it is to just keep on living. But there is still hope, no matter how small - anything is possible. And there are people who care about you and would miss you if you were gone - I know I'd miss you. I know it's really hard, but please try to stay strong and keep going. Sending you lots of good wishes and more dragon hugs, and I really wish there was more I could do to help.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"