Random! Random! Random! Random! Purple Monkey Dishwasher!

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seasoning of the hamburgers may be the engineering behind the gaspergers in the reasoning of the aspergers. IOW well-done is better than rare, for aspies to avoid the glare, of the olfactorily sensitive social faire.

I'm good at bizarre random stuff...

A cat in a pickle barrel on the moon is the best thing since hydrogenated soy curds on toast! People are like scrambled eggs and peanut butter because of the lunar phase's effect on the hydrocarbons of life and peanuts combined with tectonic radiation creates consciousness and the desire for tacos.

a big pole needs a big hole to reach it's goal. a small pole is lost in a big hole and fit only for a small hole which can comfortably enroll only the small pole. the two different types do not fit well together. if you took a poll of the hole and pole, you'd find agreement on the whole, on the virtues of matching the pole with the hole.

anybody remember the old joke about the Martian skiing down the hill yelling "RADAR! RADAR!"?

t'was an oaf whose reflexes stank
who against walls and ceiling'd go clank
he would bump his head
or fall out of bed
too bad he's not built like a tank

What the heck is this thread?

prions are growling like mad dogs in the yard
and we burn gracelessly in the junkpile
of their stinking piles.
oh, i have to crap
oh, i am crapping
oh, i have crapped.
[bleep] you.
[apologies to Richard Brautigan]

^Eww. Poop.

Ninjas and ninja butlers are epic!

i collect stuff
it's never enough
my place is a mess
this i will confess
i could be on the tube
like those other poor boobs
on TV shows about we hoarders
all disorganized old molderers
and all of us are so alone
with nobody which to atone
i'm only slightly blue
but don't know what to do.
my sis will inherit my mess
she will exclaim, oh god bless
or maybe a few different words
synonymous with fornicating turds
lord please help me
i pray to thee
i can't fix it all myself
i need providential help
otherwise one day they'll find my skeleton
under piles like a heap of rotten gelatin
and stinking to heavenly hell
with my spirit in heaven to dwell
but for ever and a day
in my real divine home to stay.

ethics before beauty
honesty before sexiness
kindness before style

sex and violence [WARNING- EXPLICIT CONTENT, viewer discretion advised]

this story is about mr. smith and ms. wesson, he was a big-bore blunderbuss, she was a pretty small calibre pistolita. they caught sights of one another and took stock of the situation and each other. one day mr. smith found ms. wesson rifling through his collection of shells. she then played with his bandolero, and when she got all the lead out she was colt inside her holster. this gave mr. smith the ammo he needed to set his sights on a certain little pistolita he'd noticed, namely ms. wesson. it was a very fine bead mr smith made on his target and ms. wesson was so impressed with his large calibre rifle grooves, she was more than happy to let him zero-in his volley on her bullseye. and a fine tight group she had, too.

soooo.. to saw-off a long-rifle story to a .22 short, mr. smith used to be a bigshot around town, but decided to pair up with ms. wesson in a double-barreled over/under arrangement which allowed him to doff his jacket, as his days of shooting his seeds willy-nilly into the ground were long-over. after he blew his wad, he got a bunch of little BBs for his trouble. he went to get his firing pin snipped, so he just shoots blanks now. presently, every night all the other guns in the rack can hear mr. smith blasting away at the bullseye, regular as a gatling gun. she takes a powder, then afterwards she puts the primer back in his cartridge, then as he eagerly rams his cleaning rod up her barrels and swabs out her bores with vigor, again and again his muzzle flashes and lead erupts with a loud report.

bang bang

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing
on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop!
don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "Religious."
I said, "Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?"
He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?"
He said, "Baptist!"
I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or
baptist church of the lord?"
He said, "Baptist church of god!"
I said, "Me too! Are you original baptist church of god,
or are you reformed baptist church of god?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist church of god!"
I said, "Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god,
reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god,
reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.