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I just heard that an albino whale had an albino calf. Well, smack my face and call me Ishmael!

From "A Bloggery" by Old Comedywriter

" I was...blaspheming my luck in a way that made my breath smell of brimstone."
Mark Twain, in Roughing It

I'm a sleepy kitty. Zzzzz...

meow too.

Man, this thread is OLD.

Have a jelly baby.

Georgia baker takes bad writing cake
[The Associated Press]
SAN FRANCISCO - A Georgia baker's recipe for writing was so bad it was good.
William "Buddy" Ocheltree, 39, of Lilburn, GA., won the 12th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest for bad writing with a numbing sequence on a hard-boiled detective's encounter with a woman.
Ocheltree, who was raised in Port Townsend, wrote:
"She really wasn't my type - a hard-looking untalented reporter for the local cat-box liner; but the first second that third-rate representative of the fourth-estate cracked open a new fifth of old Scotch, my sixth sense said seventh heaven was as close as an eighth note from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, so, nervous as a 10th grader drowning in an 11th-hour cramming for a physics exam, I swept her into my longing arms, and while humming the 12th of November, I got lucky on Friday the 13th."
His entry was rated the worst - or best? - amon the more than 7,000 entries received by contest sponsor San Jose State University. The competition salutes the memory of Vctorian novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who cam up with the immortal line, "It was a dark and stormy night."

look for the cross of Hendaye

A Dog Named Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a kid.” When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” — My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend:

So get yourself a dog.”

Bad Wolf Bay and Doomsday.

I wonder what's the real reason we never returned to the moon.

what good do big black ants and mosquitos do?

tumescence

I remember when this thread was started.

I thought Paxil and Risperidone were supposed to cause people to eat, no matter what they were going through. My appetite has been on the wane over the past 4-6 weeks.