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My whole genealogy is full of genies.

Why do cats meow?

Because it's too much of an effort for cats to bark. Cats like to just lie around and relax.

Why don't dogs meow?

Because their owners do it for them.

Can you really "own" another living creature?

Heck no! In a physical fight, most creatures would "own" me.

Do you ever get tired when you see a bunch of tires in a field?

^^

I'm a praying mantis, so the people I own are decapitated, dead, and devoured.

I'm tired even when I see fields in a tire.


What's up with caviar?

Probably fish eyes.

Have you ever had a 19th nervous breakdown?

No but I'm working on a fourth nervous breakup.


Why are there hot dogs and not hot cats?

Because cats believe it's beneath their dignity to surf.

How does it feel to surf on dry land?

I wouldn't know. I only walk on water.


Do cats and dogs know they're considered opposites for some weird reason?

Floyd certainly didn't think that. He thought he was a dog.

Do you believe cats have promulgated their own taxonomy?

Not mine. They're too busy eating butter through the foil wrapper.


What did you buy me for Christmas?

A permanent curatorship at the house of You Know Them, paying $100,000 a year for the rest of your life.

When you sidle down a hill, do you have intense feelings about the scenery?

Can I do the job at night, and can the place be closed to the public?
Is that tax-free?
When do I start?
Are there massage therapy benefits?

I don't sidle down hills very often.


Should I tell my masseur that I only want him to do my butt from now on?

Suppose your butt had connections to other things that need attention?

Do fireflies rescue damsels who find themselves sidling down hills?

Sometimes, in paintings.

Should I tell them that I've known since January and it's totally cool?

Tell them you've known for years.

Do you believe in the concept of "reelin' in the years, throwin' away the time?"