Any form of disappointments that just went and came to me just feels...
... "Normal".
Too neutral.
Like, this is what it feels like if I'm not hypersensitized from the inside, too exhausted to have any barrier.
But I knew I feel disappointed.
Just that said disappointment no longer overwhelms me into influencing my decisions.
Yeah, that's one major difference.
I got less issues with wrestling emotions, now there's nothing stopping me from just ending it through instead of resisting, and now shifted into dealing with anything physiological as something louder.
I don't know when I'll stop this habit.
Of overanalyzing feelings and thoughts came involuntary, and ones I expected and aligned with what I predict of myself.
If this is what I really am without the symptoms of that damnable illness...
... I can imagine an easier life. A more consistent view of self.
Only that I have habits of an ill person.
While I acknowledge that it shaped me and gave me knowledge and experience unwarranted out of coping...
... I want it's manifestations gone from me forever. Only remain in memory and the papers of my medical history. Nothing in my personality, my habits or actions, let alone thoughts and feelings...