The Worst Jokes Ever Thread

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SanityTheorist
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10 Dec 2012, 5:30 pm

Nope, it removes nits stuck in ice.

Here's your sign.

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ColdEyesWarmHeart
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10 Dec 2012, 5:42 pm

A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entendre. So she gave him one.

MrXxx
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10 Dec 2012, 5:57 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:

Nope, it removes nits stuck in ice.

Here's your sign.

If you make jokes about lice......

You MIGHT be a redneck

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ghoti
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10 Dec 2012, 6:31 pm

I opened the window and influenza.

SanityTheorist
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10 Dec 2012, 6:47 pm

MrXxx wrote:

SanityTheorist wrote:

Nope, it removes nits stuck in ice.

Here's your sign.

If you make jokes about lice......

You MIGHT be a redneck

Damn it, got me with a blue collar comedy tour catchphrase of your own.

Jitro
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10 Dec 2012, 7:40 pm

A man is in a bar, gets a beer and needs to use the bathroom. He doesn't want anyone to drink his beer so he puts a sign on the beer that says "I spat in this beer, don't drink".

When he gets back from the bathroom he sees another sign on the beer that says "so did I!".

forkful_of_soup
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10 Dec 2012, 9:24 pm

Q: What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French kitchen?

A: Linoleum blown apart.

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CockneyRebel
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10 Dec 2012, 9:33 pm

What's the opposite of pee?

Poo!

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SanityTheorist
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10 Dec 2012, 10:10 pm

forkful_of_soup wrote:

Q: What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French kitchen?

A: Linoleum blown apart.

Not a bad joke, that's hilarious!

naturalplastic
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11 Dec 2012, 2:24 am

DerStadtschutz wrote:

I have sex daily. [expletive redacted] I mean dyslexia.

And you tried to 'end it all'- by throwing yourself behind a moving train.

MrXxx
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11 Dec 2012, 8:08 am

naturalplastic wrote:

DerStadtschutz wrote:

I have sex daily. [expletive redacted] I mean dyslexia.

And you tried to 'end it all'- by throwing yourself behind a moving train.

Oh no! I laughed. Another fail!

Two drunks are in a bar. One gets up and announces, "I gotta go pEEeee!"

His buddy says, "Well I'm to-OO-oo drunkto get up. Go pee for m-ee while yer in there k?"

"K!" *stumbles off*

The first drunk comes back after about five minutes.

"D-id you remember to go for me? It still feels like I have to go."

"Oh crap! I for-orgot. Be riiiiight back." *stumbles off again*

After about fifteen minutes, he finally returns, stumbling and falls into his stool.

"Well?"

:shrug:

"You did-did-dii *burp!* didn't have to go!"

b9
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11 Dec 2012, 8:16 am

i thought of this one a few minutes ago, but i am not sure whether it will be understandable.

why did the lazy person intentionally cause his paraplegia by diving into a shallow pond head first from an elevated ledge?
because he was sick of having to walk everywhere.

MrXxx
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11 Dec 2012, 8:21 am

I get it. It's bad. You win this week's prize. ^^^^^

Now go wait by your mailbox for it.

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11 Dec 2012, 9:42 am

MrXxx wrote:

Mindsigh wrote:

SanityTheorist wrote:

MrXxx wrote:

The last one's either very punny, or my sense of humor has gone completely down the tubes. :lol:

Think of "Supercalifragiliciousespialadocious"

Super-cali-fragilistic-ASPIE-ali-docious? :lol:

I just realized that's misspelled!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious :lol:

Yeah I'm an aspie. So shoot me.

[Points finger] BANG! :lol:

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11 Dec 2012, 10:33 am

Why did Hitler commit suicide? - He received his gas bill.

Before telling me, thats its not funny joking about that: I know, my grandfather himself died in Auschwitz.

...
...
...

He fell drunken from the watch tower.

I think these two were the worst jokes i have ever heard. (And no, i really dont mean that earnest, so my grand uncle really was in a KZ because of being a communist, but came back alive.)

BlueMax
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11 Dec 2012, 4:56 pm

When a musician drives his car, he should C-sharp or B-flat.

bwaahahaa!

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