[ LONG RANT ] I'm Tired.

Page 4 of 5 [ 74 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

magz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

26 Oct 2019, 12:38 pm

blazingstar wrote:

magz wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

"Sink of swim" makes me wonder - could the suicides in my family have been prevented? Would my cousin, lost under a heap of psychiatric diagnoses - a fate I narrowly escaped myself - be weird but sane today? Would persons like Firemonkey have been better today if their condition was recognized earlier?

For every individual who swims, how many sunk?

You are right, of course. I don't know how one would check on that.

From the other side, I personally know HFAs whose treatments and parents are permanently stunting them.

It almost made me laugh, how much the child psychiatrist stressed that my daughter's Asperger's is not an illness - but I knew it was necessary. Yes, I've also seen parents and spouses who made their nearest and dearest completely dependent after hearing diagnoses of disabilities - even if those disabled persons could be fully functional and independent with right acommodations.
It's really hard to balance it at optimum, possibly the optimal amount of support varies among individuals.

blazingstar wrote:

You have to play the cards you're dealt. There's no way to ensure that life perfectly matches everyone's needs.

That's it. Play the best with the cards you've got.

_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,234

26 Oct 2019, 7:05 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

I left home at 15 and clawed my way into and through a variety of situations, but the end result right now is owning my own business, a husband who loves me, and owning my home in the swamps and woods where I want to be. It wasn't easy, a lot of it was horrible.

Sometimes I think that aspies from our generation had it easier because we didn't know we had a disability, we didn't get special treatment, it was pretty much sink or swim.

I strongly relate to this - I had to fend for myself since I was 14. I do have a lot in common with both you and Fnord.

I'm not sure about the last part - magz makes a good point about those who "sunk", as for myself I know I paid a very steep price for keeping afloat and often feel deeply damaged, to the point I sometimes wonder if it was worth surviving. And I've always known there was something "wrong" with me, I just attributed it to different reasons.

But I do believe that some in our generation don't see how while the young ones might not have some of our problems they do have a whole new set that we didn't have to deal with. I have two teenagers in the house and work with a lot of young people and I'm very aware that often enough they cannot go about things the same way we did - times changed.
.

It touches me deeply to connect even through these electronic posts with others who had an early life like mine. :heart:

Thank you for posting that. Not the same necessarily, but this being thrown into life essentially as a child and having to cope with just your wits. And for me, even with the tragic parents I had, to be abandoned was an unbelievable horror.

And there definitely were times when I wondered if it was worth surviving...I can't say it was worth it, but at this point in life, I am glad to be alive. But I didn't really feel this way until about, say 15 years ago or so. And I can see that younger people might look at that and say to themselves, "It is not worth waiting until I am 50 to feel good about life," or "Easy for her to say, she's got a relationship." So I have stopped posting like that in the Haven.

And the inbetween times weren't all bad. Some periods were quite good, excellent even. Just not sustainable. I have been trying to figure out how to remember the good stuff without being crushed by the bad stuff. I am fine here today. Seems like it would be nice to also have some good memories.

Or maybe not. Maybe just be satisfied with today. :heart:

_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot

B19
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,993
Location: New Zealand

26 Oct 2019, 8:04 pm

I relate very much to what you have written.

At this stage of my life - I'm older than most here - my way of dealing with the past now is to accept that it "was what it was". And occasionally having to remind myself that some have survived far worse than what I did. Do whatever works for you. For all survivors, I am comforted by the concept that steel is forged in the fire: if you can heal the wounds then you become much stronger now. It's the unhealed wounds that keep some stuck for a long time.

It takes a long time and a lot of energy and a lot of courage to come to peace with the kinds of trauma we went through, I like the notion of exploration and recovery as a hero's journey (as Joseph Campbell named it).

cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,960

26 Oct 2019, 8:34 pm

Quote:

You are right, of course. I don't know how one would check on that.

One way is to look at the Bureau of Labor Statistics on Disabilities who are employed.

https://www.bls.gov/news.release/disabl.nr0.htm

https://www.bls.gov/news.release/disabl.t01.htm

These are the hard core facts right here.

Quote:

From the other side, I personally know HFAs whose treatments and parents are permanently stunting them. It almost made me laugh, how much the child psychiatrist stressed that my daughter's Asperger's is not an illness - but I knew it was necessary. Yes, I've also seen parents and spouses who made their nearest and dearest completely dependent after hearing diagnoses of disabilities - even if those disabled persons could be fully functional and independent with right acommodations.

How do you figure that person could be fully functional? How do you know what these right accomodations would be? And, if they don't work out in the end then what? Do you have specific metrics? How does that make logical sense to you?

And, why would one take a high risk gamble if the stakes are extremly high if the accomodations don't work in the end?

Quote:

It's really hard to balance it at optimum, possibly the optimal amount of support varies among individuals.

If it is that hard then how do we expect the average person to suss out what is what? How do we know as individuals what we are capable of doing and not doing? Do you have any kind of metrics to go by? How do we measure to find this optimal support?

Quote:

That's it. Play the best with the cards you've got.

What if the best move is to get up, fold your cards and walk away from the table? Why isn't that a legitimate move in most people's eyes?

cberg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

26 Oct 2019, 8:46 pm

I feel like we're being personally blamed for not being your ideal disciples. Your feelings are on you, get over it, you forfeited most of our sympathy years ago.

As a guy who's tired of baby boomers' insane double standards, suck it up & grow a pair like you're constantly telling us to. As a scout I'm fed up with your whinging & I'm here to tell you to use some damn testosterone of your own.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:

cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,960

26 Oct 2019, 9:15 pm

cberg wrote:

I am 40 years old and part of the xennial generation.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xennials

I understand what you're talking about. It does seem like a whine fest.

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

26 Oct 2019, 9:29 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:

domineekee wrote:

I'm sorry that some people find your style abrasive, being forthright is an aspie trait and one that I share. As far as I'm aware, you're not part of any gossip circles, which I respect.

His style is abrasive. But, it's not his abrasive style I take issue with. It's his overly-simplistic style I take with.

Pretend skit. I don't actually live with my parents but let's say I did.

Me: I'm unhappy living with my parents.

Him: Why don't you move out?

Me: *thinking* If I could have or knew how to come up with a plan to do so then wouldn't I have do so?

Have you all seen BeetleJuice? If so, do you all remember the Handbook for the recently deceased? And, do you all remember the scene where the couple wanted help and they looked through the book and it said "if you need help draw a door?" Do you remember how confused they were and Barbara kept saying "I don't know why we keep looking in this stupid book?"

This is Fnord, his advice and his help. It's bunch of overly-simplistic pat answers that amount to nothing. It's pure unadulterated s**t that one can go out into the NT world and hear as well.

But, his advice and/or help never takes the person as whole into account. Both his abilities and disabilities. He never really talks to the person to get a comprehensive understanding of who and what this person is and never provides any real insight at all. Fnord is quick and fast with labels and judgement without understanding. If he wants to help people out then you have to be like Henry Higgins from the play My Fair Lady and take time, understand, and really teach. Rome wasn't built in a day.

But, he is thinking he is this guru that gives profound and wise advice but what he fails to grasp is that others keep balking at his advice again and again yet insists upon giving it in the same overly-simplistic sloganized format which is devoid of any substance and is a bunch of clap-trap.

Understand the person and the issues and abilities he has before you open your mouth and then help the person come up with a comprehensive plan.

Fnord needs to understand that no good deed/intention goes unpunished, :mrgreen:

Hence my non-involvement in the affairs of personkind.

Damn,
I didn't know Fnord had such hardcore detractors.
I missed so much fun!
I think you guys might be taking things too seriously.
If you don't like what he says, don't read his posts.

Simples.
Chill out, dudes. :wink:

cberg wrote:

If you don't like Fnord, you won't like me.
I can see why you had a tanty with me the other day. :mrgreen:

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

26 Oct 2019, 9:55 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Fnord - I consider you a valuable presence here, although I agree that it might be better if you stayed away from certain topics - it's what I do. But I also think you should be allowed to post what and where you want - within the rules - and I strongly disapprove of the way you have been publically attacked countless times seemingly without any consequences. Same goes for blazingstar - I have never seen an "abrasive" or malicious post made by her, yet she's openly targetted too and so are others. If you're ever asked not to address certain people or stay out of some sub-forums than other people should also stop talking about you in the third person and the whole "I would be fine if it wasn't for Fnord and blazingstar who want me to fail and die alone" etc need to stop.

To be clear:
I consider you a decent bloke,
But what is all this "tippy toey" nonsense that I am hearing?

Why can't people simply stop taking themselves and life so seriously?
Perhaps it is "those people", rather than people like Fnord and me, who are the problem.
Pouting and "stamping one's foot" is an attempted power play to force others to conform to their personal standards.

Why should we kowtow to their unreasonable demands?
If one doesn't like the channel,
Switch to a new one.
And grow a couple. :mrgreen:

If people don't behave,
I will stamp my foot in their direction also. :twisted:

I can just laugh it off.
Perhaps Fnord needs to do the "water off a duck's back" thing too. :scratch:

Humans are wery funny animals, indeed. :mrgreen:

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,251
Location: the island of defective toy santas

27 Oct 2019, 12:04 am

the unhealed wounds tend to want to be left alone, the more so the longer they are unhealed, in inverse proportion to how much/how quick healing they need.

magz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

27 Oct 2019, 3:15 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

Quote:

I know because I have been one. I still have to reject some forms of "help" and ask for other forms to be able to go about my life. Overprotectivenness is an issue, so is misguided protectivenness.

cubedemon6073 wrote:

And, why would one take a high risk gamble if the stakes are extremly high if the accomodations don't work in the end?

I tend to play safe, I don't gamble high stakes unless I've tried all the other options.

cubedemon6073 wrote:

Quote:

It's really hard to balance it at optimum, possibly the optimal amount of support varies among individuals.

We don't. We learn from our mistakes. We learn from mistakes of others. We do out best and hope for the best.
Nothing else to do.

cubedemon6073 wrote:

Quote:

That's it. Play the best with the cards you've got.

What if the best move is to get up, fold your cards and walk away from the table? Why isn't that a legitimate move in most people's eyes?

Suicide is a big topic and if you want to discuss it, let's not derail another user's thread, start another one.

_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

magz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

27 Oct 2019, 3:31 am

It intrigues me why some users came here only to tell they don't like the OP.
It's normal not to like some people.
It's healthy to avoid people you don't like.

Pepe wrote:

If one doesn't like the channel,
Switch to a new one.
And grow a couple. :mrgreen:

_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,960

27 Oct 2019, 6:35 am

Quote:

Fnord needs to understand that no good deed/intention goes unpunished, :mrgreen:

Hence my non-involvement in the affairs of personkind.

Damn,
I didn't know Fnord had such hardcore detractors.
I missed so much fun!
I think you guys might be taking things too seriously.
If you don't like what he says, don't read his posts.

Simples.
Chill out, dudes. :wink:

Hey man, it's all gravy baby. I'm not mad at him or hate him. I'm not envious of him. It's not just him. I blame myself as well. My way of thinking and his simply clash. In fact, I agree with a number of his assessments and some of his job advice. I just simply don't agree with his simple if you're not happy living in your parents house then move out approach.

Quote:

If you don't like Fnord, you won't like me.
I can see why you had a tanty with me the other day. :mrgreen:

Hey, Pepe was one of my fav characters on Looney Toons. If you have him as your avatar why wouldn't I like you. :lol:

It's all good.

Amity
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

27 Oct 2019, 8:09 am

My patience has run out for a few people, in particular those who dont understand the idea that on here no one is special, or more deserving of/entitled to more attention... we are equals here, though I'm tired from talking about that.

You are an alright sort of chap Fnord.

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

27 Oct 2019, 9:02 am

Cube wasn’t talking about suicide.

He was talking more about conceding that he wouldn’t make it in the “working world” as it is frequently manifested in the “Western World”—and to, instead, seek an alternative.

blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,234

27 Oct 2019, 9:07 am

And Cube is right. Not everyone can work, or live alone, or do a whole variety of things. The point is not to achieve some milestone, but to have the opportunity to find the path in which one is comfortable in his/her own skin.

_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot

magz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

27 Oct 2019, 9:39 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Maybe I've missed some English idiom used here.
For me, seeking alternative for working is still playing with the cards you've got, not leaving the table.

_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>

Page 4 of 5 [ 74 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Jump to:

[ LONG RANT ] I'm Tired. Post Reply New Topic

[ LONG RANT ] I'm Tired.