Do you ever consider suicide?

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I think about it occasionally. I used to pray that I would die and a couple of times I put a plastic bag over my head to see how long it would take to feel panic.

My grandmother and a first cousin did the deed so I know how suicide can affect the remaining family members. Grandmother died in 1931, 33 years before I was born and in some ways her suicide still affects me today.

I have thought about it alot lately. I do, actualy, think that my family would be better off financialy if I wasn't here. They migh be unhappy that I died, but would finally have a little lift from money ordeals. Just like they want. No groceries bought for me. Mother's bill would be lower.

Dad would still be overly concerned about cash, because that's how he is. Just, I wouldn't be part of it anymore. He wouldn't stress over how much to spend on me for birthdays and holiday. They would finally have a family where every little member worked to earn money for themselves, just like they wanted all our lives.

Nope. Not here anymore. Then I think.. "Wow! Is that @#$% worth it?! Money makes me sick!" We all could have been happy as we were (some handed down cloths and all.) but nooo.... they wanted to use money as their excuse to be negative to each other when me and my sister was growing. Thanks a lot mom and dad...

Money is definitely an excuse that some people use to be unhappy, and even if they had money would they be happy? I know quite a few people with loads of cash who are screwed up. They just have lots of stuff.

If your parents aren't capable of being happy, then why worry about their happyness?