Intellectual jokes

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Larval
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27 Nov 2005, 9:18 pm

Twitch wrote:

My joke:
Humanity.

That's hilarious. And very true.

Twitch
Deinonychus

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27 Nov 2005, 9:22 pm

Thank you. I thought of it myself.

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ridgerider
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27 Nov 2005, 10:37 pm

Subject: Iretsteing

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig huh?

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DrizzleMan
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28 Nov 2005, 3:38 am

ridgerider wrote:

http://www.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/~mattd/Cmabrigde/

Quote:

There are elements of truth in this, but also some things which scientists studying the psychology of language (psycholinguists) know to be incorrect.

ridgerider
Deinonychus

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28 Nov 2005, 1:02 pm

The discusssion of the concept of reversed interior letters is funnier than the original joke. Tx.

Count the Fs
Try this test. It is pretty wild.

Don't cheat. You will only cheat yourself.

It is a quick test. It is a lot of fun. And, I promise, there are no "tricks" to the test.

Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count the F's in that sentence. Count them only once, only once: do not go back and count them again.

After you are done, scroll down to see the answer.

The answer is below.

Answer:
There are six F's in the sentence.

The "average" person finds three.

There is no catch. Many people do not see the Fs in the word "OF". It has been argued that the human brain tends to see them as Vs and not Fs.

(This would be an example of what the researcher at Cambridge called function words)

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Bearsac-Debra
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28 Nov 2005, 2:59 pm

Not sure if this counts a intellectual, but it's on the light bulb theme.

How many teddy bears dioes it take to screw in a light bulb?

Teddy bear don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in the woods!

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Scrapheap
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28 Nov 2005, 4:22 pm

I can't belive this one has'nt been posted yet. (maybee there's a reason for that)

A zen buddist walks up to a hot dog stand and says: "Make me one with everything"

Badump dump

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666
Deinonychus

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29 Nov 2005, 3:49 am

Then the Buddhist says "what about my change?" And the vendor smiles and says "change must come from within."

666
Deinonychus

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29 Nov 2005, 3:52 am

Werner Heisenberg was speeding down a residential street when a cop pulled him over. "Do you know how fast you were going?" the cop asked. Heisenberg responded "no, but I know where I am."

Erwin Schroedinger's wife scolded him one afternoon. "How long has it been since you fed the cat? He looks half dead!"

ridgerider
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29 Nov 2005, 9:17 am

Okay, the Heisenberg thing is funny. I don't get the Schroedinger at all , had to look it up. Then it was funny.

http://www.bun.kyoto-u.ac.jp/phisci/Gallery/schroedinger_note.html

With all the problems the mind has seeing errors in written words because it tends to subconciously rearrange them (see above), good thing we have spell checkers.

----- Spell Checker Poem

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-Sauce unknown

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GalileoAce
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29 Nov 2005, 9:28 am

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

hehe

Larval
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29 Nov 2005, 6:22 pm

I found this while looking for info about graduate school: http://www.totalillusions.net/forum/ind ... 8&st=0

Don't remember how I got this, but it is hilarious. Sort of the "anti-intelligence" joke.

Enjoy.

P.S. This is the censored version.

Quote:

* bchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bchecker> why do you kick me
<bchecker> can't you discus normally
<bchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn't kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bchecker> what ping man
<bchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bchecker> i even have dst
<bchecker> you banned me
<bchecker> amit it you ! !! !
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> ! !! you're stupid, DST^^
<bchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bchecker> for two weaks already
<bchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You're a real computer expert
<bchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<bchecker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
<Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<bchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I'm frightened
<bchecker> shut up you'll be gone
<bchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<bchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bchecker> to you man
<bchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

QUOTE
* bchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bchecker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bchecker> you're so stupid man
<bchecker> say buy buy
<bchecker> buy buy elch
* bchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve... Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

QUOTE
* bchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bchecker> elch you ! !!
<Metanot> bchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What's up bchecker?
<bchecker> you have a frie wal
<bchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don't know
<bchecker> i'm 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bchecker> because your fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bchecker> be a man turn that off
<Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
<bchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bchecker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
<bchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bchecker> you're afraid
<bchecker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bchecker> elch turn off your wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bchecker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

QUOTE
<Elch> bchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bhacker can't hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<bchecker> wort man
<Elch> bchecker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bchecker> man do you want a virus
<bchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it's easy
<bchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<bchecker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom...
<Elch> i'll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

QUOTE
<bchecker> don't need to rescue you can't
<Elch> that's bad
<bchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<bchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

QUOTE
<bchecker> tupac rules
<bchecker> elch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

QUOTE
<bchecker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn't meta say anything
<Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<bchecker> your d: is gone
<He> go on ! !!

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

QUOTE
<bchecker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<bchecker> i'm already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

QUOTE
* bchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "bchecker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time.

Sophist
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29 Nov 2005, 11:10 pm

Serissa wrote:

One of the best web sites I ever bookmarked wrote:

Useful Research Phrases and What They Really Mean

"It has long been known" . . .
[I didn't look up the original reference.]

"A definite trend is evident" . . .
[These data are practically meaningless.]

"Of great theoretical and practical importance" . . .
[Interesting to me.]

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions" . . .
[An unsuccessful experiment but I still have to get it published.]

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" . . .
[The results of the others didn't make any sense.]

"Typical results are shown" . . .
[The best results are shown.]

"These results will be shown in a subsequent report" . . .
[I might get around to this sometime if I'm pushed.]

"The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones" . . .
[He was my graduate assistant.]

"It is believed that" . . .
[I think]

"It is generally believed that" . . .
[A couple of other guys think so, too.]

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding occurs" . . .
[I don't understand it.]

"Correct within an order of magnitude" . . .
[Wrong]

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigations in this field" . . .
[This is a lousy paper, but so are all the others on this miserable topic.]

"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to George Frink for valuable assistance" . . .
[Blotz did the work and Frink explained to me what it meant.]

"A careful analysis of obtainable data" . . .
[Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.]

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"...
[I don't understand it.]

"After additional study by my colleagues"...
[ They don't understand it either.]

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"...
[I quit.]

OMG, ROFLMAO!! ! :lol:

*copies and saves*

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Anachronism
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29 Nov 2005, 11:39 pm

Wow, I've been indirectly referred to in a thread!

WRT binary, by understand binary, it means that you understand a base 2 number system. In base 10, you have 10 different numerals- 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, which you use to express all numbers. base 20, which the mayans used, has 20 places.

Base 2 has 2- 0,1.

So, 2 in binary would be expressed as 10- the number 2 does not exist. One is the equivalent of 9 in base ten, where adding 1 wll make it a 2 digit number.- Yes, if we were translating this into computer speak, there would be more zeros as placeholders.

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I am indeed a "proud aspie".

There are 10 kinds of people in the world- Those that understand binary, and those who don't.

Anachronism
Snowy Owl

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Location: Colorado Springs, CO

30 Nov 2005, 12:02 am

Serissa wrote:

hecate wrote:

Serissa wrote:

Larval wrote:

The answer is 42.

But what is the question?

What do you get when you multiply six by nine?

54.

AHEM. This means that life is horrible and meaningless, but this is nonetheless the actual question leading up to 42, according to Douglas Adams.

Actually, this is the warped answer to the true question. As it is revealed that Aurthur (and the rest of humanity) comes from offspring of the Golgafrinchans, the question becomes corrupted. One can surmise that the correct answer, before Aurthur and the rest of the Golgafrinchans muddled it up, was what is 6 times 7, or some other set of divisors for the number 42.

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I am indeed a "proud aspie".

There are 10 kinds of people in the world- Those that understand binary, and those who don't.

ridgerider
Deinonychus

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Location: outside looking in

30 Nov 2005, 11:04 am

42 could aslo be 1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9- (square root of 9)

Or phonetically = For tea too? as in

"Hi. I am going to be here for lunch today"

"For tea, too?"

Or it could be the place address where the secret is kept, by its military designation. Fort E Two.

Or from a numerological point of view 4+2= 6

or in a system with Base 5

it would be equivalent to our Base 10 number 22

Base 6= 26

Base 7= 30

Base 8 = 34

Base nine = 38

_________________
"The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

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