Raleigh wrote:
Having very strong suicidal urges.
Would not trust me with a knife right now.
Burns
Diffenbachia
Swells the throat
Ten packs of cigarettes please
A syringe
Endone
Lights out
I've been in a similar situation for the past day or two, I keep fantasizing about bleeding out. I wish I'd just die of natural causes already, guilt would probably make me hesitate at the last moment and end up just permanently injuring myself and making the rest of my life worse
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"