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A CD with a piece of really sad music on it and a spicy Spanish sausage.

Why should I care about the Euro '24 football tournament?

I'm making a special guest appearance as the football.
It's part of my trauma exposure therapy.


I bid you adieu
Alas, I must now leave
I shall photograph a book
Such that you will not grieve


*Must do A-Z books

What is your favourite book with words in it?

Quack by Sir David Duckington. It only contains one word: quack.
Some people think Sir Duckington is really a duck, but he denies this.

How can I make my laptop load pages faster?

Put a bit of butter on them

How long would it take for all the bees to get wiped out

You can pedal on an exercise bike to make the pages load faster.

Have you ever hidden yourself in a public place, after coming across someone who you know but don't want to be seen by?

Yeah you just ninja'd me bro

I'm livid about that

I hid in a wardrobe but that's an answer to a completely different question

How do you make pineapple upside down cake

You turn a pineapple upside down, put it in a cake pan full of butter, and bake for 10 hours.

What's the smallest thing in the universe?

Jupiter

What color is Nebraska?

It's transparent.

What is colder than zero degrees celcius?

My left foot

What shape is a circle

Four squiggly lines.

If trains could travel to Cuba, how many pirates would it take to rob one?

None—Cuban trains are designed to be self-robbing.

Who invented mechanical pencils?

You just did. Congratulations!

Which bin does tin foil go in?

The garbage bin.

When we can't do anything unless Simon says so, why does he get to call all the shots?

Because Simon said he could.

What keeps planes in the air?

Railway lines

How do you whistle