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They tried making the back light up, but then two people could use the computer at once, and they realized they could make more money by making everyone buy their own computer.

Where can one find the green cow?

At the upcoming extreme sports event next to the Red Bull.

Sopolopolous and Heredetes were the Greek mythological gods of what?

They were gods of bolshevik ballerinas.

What is LSD and how it's different from LCD?

LSD (Low Sounding Dames) is basically an old fashioned fancy term for quiet women. LCD is an acronym for Less Caring Women.

Who invented bad luck?

Scottish Leprechauns from Schmireland.

Where is Schmireland located and what is their culture like?

Schmireland is located west of the equator beyond the sunrise. Similar to the Smurfs and the use of the word "smurf", the focal point of their culture is the sound "schm-". It schmounds like schmpelled, schmo many words sounds schmimilar.

What's the iconic meal of Schmireland?

Schmitzel.

Why are humans afraid of zombies eating their brains when zombies can't eat something most humans don't have?

Because human brains don't have the zombies-wont-eat-your-brains-because-you-do-not-have-them gyrus in the post-temporal lateral occipital dorsal metacarpel tunnel that most other great and so-so apes have developed. However, humans can remedy this by accommodating the function in their medusa queen amygdala with a vote of no confidence.

What is something you don't know, and how do you know you don't know it?

I ask my bride.

What is the greatest value of Wrong Planet?

Cryptomining

Why must we hurt the ones we love?! ;_;

Because the twos we loved would gang up on us and we'd lose.

What is the best thing to watch on TV these days?

Current-day cartoons. They haven't been destroyed with political correctness, bland characters and overload of toilet humor. Alternatively go with romantic comedies

Why you'll never beat the Irish?

Because they are given strength by wearing women's clothing.

What are some great historical facts we can learn from the back of a cereal box?

You can learn that breakfast cereals could not have existed before we had lots of chemicals to put in them.

Why are some parts of the oceans so deep?

They have to be otherwise there wouldn't be enough space for the water.

Is the moon flat, like the earth?

It's actually a half-sphere. We only see the round side. The flat side is always facing away from the Earth because it is a base of operations for alien overlords to observe us.

Four out of five dentists were beating up a candy store owner. What was the fifth dentist doing?