Make up a really dumb quote/question

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If you put bigger wheels on the back of your car you will always be going downhill so save loads of money on fuel

Does anyone know where I can buy tartan paint?

i like that one.
anyway..

the best way to not leave your fingerprints at a crime scene is to leave them somewhere else before you commit it.

I reckon that everyone is just "lip syncing" to everything they say.

It isn't Christmas until I have seen Hans Gruber fall out of Nakatomi Plaza

It isn't Christmas until Franz Gruber lip-syncs Silent Night.

What day is Easter Sunday on next year?

Why can't they grow Christmas trees that are already decorated?

I heard on TV once that the French used to take leftover bread, dip in eggs and fry it up for breakfast so it wouldn't go to waste. And voila! French toast!

I once tried making french toast with real french bread, but it was so soft it turned to mush when I coated it in the egg mixture. Guess you need to let it get a bit stale first.

boss before meeting with clients: god mark! you are wearing 2 odd socks!!
me: i can only be wearing one odd sock i am sorry.
boss: bloody hell! ok then you're wearing one odd sock!!
me: please pray tell me which sock is the odd one so i can remove it.

often, before i go to sleep, i have to choose something to fantasize about as i drift off.

last night it was this:

pope is in the huge open air arena he makes his christmas day statements in.
there are maybe 250,000 devout pious christians soaking up his message.
many have made a pilgrimage to the event.

an evil but comedically minded multi billionaire loads up a large cargo plane with a belly full of $100 notes.
he flies it over the event and opens the delivery bay and they all rain down upon the arena.

the orderly devout devotees clutching their rosary beads suddenly cast aside their religion in order to grab the $100 bills floating to the ground.

mass crowd chaos erupts, and the pope's voice is drowned out in the chaotic crowd behaviour.
as many as 50,000 casualties are caused by this eruption into obliteration of their moral fiber in favor of greed..

it is later described as an act of terrorism.

instead of using money to buy weapons, just drop coins into impoverished towns so they will kill each other over the spoils.

it's kind of funny when you think of it in the form of an early cartoon.

i bought some chutney for my sausages yesterday, and i got the top off and tore off the seal, and then i read the label.
it said "warning! do not use if seal is broken"! !! !!.
i wish i had read that before i broke the seal ! !! !.

i saw an AD on TV while playing a game, and the sound on the TV was turned down, but there was a banner on it that said "do your bit to end hunger now", so i went to the burger shop and got a steak sandwich with egg and cheese and extra onions.
burrrp! done!

What is a gangster of love and why do some people call Maurice a space cowboy?

i saw a show about the queensland floods, and the narrator said "it was a flood of biblical proportions".
i thought "they were very lucky then because bibles are not very big"