The Worst Jokes Ever Thread

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A man phones the Liberal Democrats' HQ and asks for a copy of their manifesto.

The receptionist says "sorry, we've sold out"

The man says "I know you have, but I'd still like a manifesto"

If you don't believe in global warming, move to Portland. It's December and people who live in Portland, just like everybody who lives in the Pacific NW should be freezing asses off.

It's relatively warm in Portland, so come and visit if you don't like cold weather.

What did the Chinese family name their autistic child?

Sum Ting Wong

Little boy blue. He needed the money.

Sorry, Dice.

I tried making up a joke.

What's a word?

You.

Did you know the idea of the Frisbee was actually conceived in China?

A farmer found that when his cattle's manure dried flat and hard, if he tossed it hard enough it flew very well.


I think his name was Flung Dung Hi.

how do you get an alien baby to sleep.......you rocket

How deep is a frog's pond?



Knee-deep, knee-deep.

So a guy is at the doctor's office and the doctor comes back with the test results and the doctor says "I have some good news and some bad. Which do you want to hear first?" The patient says "Good" and the doctor says "You get to live another day." and the patient says "and the bad?" and the Doctor says "That's the only day..."
(Plays the fail theme from The Price Is Right).

A little dark but I digress.

I broke my leg in 3 places. I don't go to those places any more.

Why does simply using a urinal make you sophisticated?

Because: European!

How do you put out a burning maxi pad?

Throw it on the floor and tampon it.

Subject: Chinese cougars (the ladies, not the animals).

(It's gotta be bad, but please keep it clean! This ain't the adult forum remember! )

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eyed deer!


What do you call a dog with no legs?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtKf74WyBUM[/youtube]

In the Soviet era Russia a certain Russian gentleman named Rudolf and his wife move into their new apartment in Moscow-overlooking Red Square.

And as they blissfully admire the view from their new apartment they notice participation falling from the sky.

His wife said "look, its rain".

He replied "NO! Its SNOW"

After arguing back and forth about whether it was rain or snow his wife chided him that he was part of the ruling Communist Elite and yet didnt even know rain when he saw it.

He got pissed, pointed to himself, and thundered "Rudolf the Red-- KNOWS RAIN-- dear!"

Knock Knock?
Whose there?
Daisy...
Daisy who?
Daisy me rollin, they lovin
It's corny I know but I thought it was kinda cute