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Knock knock!

Who's there?

Oswald.

Oswald who?

Oswald mah gum.

Today, I learned that stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.

Man 1: (Sweating) "I'm Hot."

Man 2: (Also sweating) "I'm Hot."

Man 1: "Hot's taken. You'll have to be Cold."

What is the first letter in "yellow"?

Y

Because I want to know.

The bowling alley employees went on strike when their boss said he couldn't spare them a raise in pay.

How do electricians meditate?

ohm......ohm.......ohm

And now ladies and gents, the world's oldest cannibal joke:

One cannibal asked the other, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
The other cannibal told him, "That was no lady. That was my lunch!"

When I use my imagination, I imagine I could post messages on WrongPlanet.

Is the refrigerator running?

Yes it is.

Then go chase it!

Economic experts report that while cactus sales have spiked, aquarium sales have tanked.

A man looked over his fence to see the little girl who lived next door looking very upset and digging a large, deep hole in the ground.
"Why are you digging that hole?" he asked her.
"My hamster just died, so I'm going to bury him." the little girl said tearfully as she continued digging.
"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that." the man said kindly. "But isn't that kind of a big hole for a hamster?"
"Well, it's the right size for your @#&% cat who just ate him!" the girl snarled.

When a ladder was stolen from a store, the manager said that further steps would be taken.

Q: what is the similarity between having just enough dinosaurs and riding a horse?
A: you have no spare tire an' a sore arse

Did you hear about the Spanish magician?

He was on stage and counted "uno, dos..." and then he vanished without a tres.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.