Make an extremely dark joke.

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The future is so bright, we've got to wear shades.

But the brightness is the light coming from a speeding train.

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Someone asked me, "When you're out shopping are you ever worried that some deranged serial killer in the store will suddenly come in and there will be virtually nothing you can do to protect yourself?

I answered, "Nope. What are the chances that there will be two deranged serial killers in the same store?"

One small step but in the right direction.
A simple plan of sublime perfection.
Apollo 11 lands on a Luna mare.
If we can send one Yank to the moon,
why not send them all there?

I think kids today should still be taught to write in cursive. How else are they going to write insults in the snow with their pee?

Mother - I saw a Cockney walking around town today.

Grown child - That was me

Mother - So you're on that kick again

Grown child - It's better than dressing like a German soldier

Here's one for the upcoming holidays.

People say I'm like a candy cane. Not because I'm sweet, but because I'm twisted.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

I hear that every year on the American Thanksgiving they pardon a couple of turkeys at the white house.
Looks like they care more about a couple of turkeys not becoming the victims of gun violence than they do about real people.

Speaking of which, I remember Hank Hill once asked John Redcorn if Native Americans ever celebrate Thanksgiving. John Redcorn said, "We did. Once."

A German looks at a black bell.

German: That's a very unique helmet

Vendor: It's a bell

Somebody asked me "What's the leading cause of suicide?"
I answered "Being alive".

My daughter didn't keep her figure?

The cat and the cradle and the silver spoon
The Little Boy Blue and the man on the moon
When you're coming home Dad I don't know when
But we'll have a good time soon, boy
We're gonna have a good time soon

With a nick-nack baddy whack give a dog a bone,
This old man came rolling home

LIKE A POO POO ON A LEAF

You will now get the Six of The Best

There was a salesman who was spending the night in a small town and saw that a high school friend lived on a farm nearby and decided to pay him a visit. As he drove down the long driveway he passed a pig pen and the pig in it had a wooden leg. When he saw his friend he commented on how fuxked up seeing a pig with a wooden leg was. His friend said "don't make fun of my pig; that pig has saved my and my families lives, we consider him a pet. That pig saw our house was on fire one night and threw his weight against the house until we woke up. Another time I was plowing on my tractor and it turned over on me. The pig saw what had happened and came and dug a trench so I could escape". The salesman told his friend that is amazing; but tell me ; why does the pig have a wooden leg? The farmer replied; "well with a pig that means so much to our family; we hated to eat him all at one time".

I saw a tiny band on a rock today. It seemed like 4 beetles to me.

I don't think I can, lol the answer to it may not be allowed on this forum.

I admit it has to do with trump, so lol use your imagination.

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.