Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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My blood is boiling right now... I decided to watch Ouran High School Host Club, seems how it was one of the most popular anime of the mid-00s. I was starting to really like it, up until episodes 8 and 9.

It started out as a light and fluffy comedy anime with lovable characters, and then we get to episode 8, where Kyouya tries to rape Haruhi. It seemed to come out of freaking nowhere; there was no indication in previous episodes that Kyouya was like that. But what made me really angry was the reaction of Haruhi: when he stopped pinning her down, she sat up and said, completely sincerely: "It shows what a nice guy you are, because you were just trying to prove Tamaki's point that women are different than men." (It's a long story, you'd need to watch the whole episode to understand the context.) Umm, if some guy I hung out with tried to rape me, I'd kick him in the balls and say "I quit this stupid club."

But I decided to brush it off as a fluke thing and continue watching. Then we get to episode 9, where the Host Club is visited by a club of feminist lesbians who had an interest in Haruhi. What offended me was the way the other characters reacted to them: the Host Club acted appalled by the lesbians' sexualities, and then Tamaki (who is supposed to be the "hero" and had previously been one of my favorite characters) said: "What is there to be gained from same-sex relationships? God created Adam and Eve!" It was at this point that I ragequit the episode and subsequently the series. I mean, in previous episodes Tamaki had gotten upset whenever Haruhi was put in homoromantic situations, but I chalked it up to the fact that he was in love with her - I didn't want to believe that one of my favorite characters in the series was a raging homophobe. He was also a little chauvinistic in episode 8, so I was already angry with him to begin with, so the homophobic remark made me go from being upset with him to outright hating him.

How could such a cute and fun anime get so messed up? More importantly, you'd think that a series created by a woman would feature more sympathetic and empowering portrayals of female characters. But that's sadly not the case here. I hate Ouran Host Club so much that if it were the first anime I had ever seen, then I'd probably have never become an anime fan to begin with.

^^^ that's disappointing. i hate it when that happens to shows/books i think i like. i was going to watch it because i realised the series was on tv last night.

feeling down about uni ending. didn't get passport stuff done today either. period started. i hate my period- i'm hungry, it hurts, so does my back and i want to eat all the food in the fridge. i'm semi-sunburned. and tomorrow is tuesday and i will not be going to newtown to go to youthgroup. i will be going to flaming chippendale. except it isn't flaming in the homosexual sense because our new building will never have rainbows on it like the old one did. god i hate the new building. it is inferior in every way. was talking about this with somebody else who goes there. she said not having rainbows to make it discrete made it seem like the building was saying we should be closeted and unfree, hidden and ashamed.

I had two cakes in the oven and took one out to check it and dropped it. It wasn't cooked properly so is ruined now. :/

nothing made me unhappy today, and so i am quite concerned about my idea that i am becoming stupid. it is a worrying thought.
but not so worrying that it prevents me from sleeping, and that is what i am now going to do,
good night

Eh, I am just worried about my future ATM.

i got somebody at youth group to be my guarantor but i feel guilty for doing so because they are a trans-dude and they had to fill in the forms using the wrong name and gender. it was really frustrating for them. i owe them big time.

and at branch today the number of arabs and middle eastern people we had as comrades in sydney came up and i knew they would point to specific people and i knew they would miss me so i put my head down so people wouldn't notice me and one of the speakers from the floor noted the iranians and 2 of the 3 arabs in branch but forgot i (#3) existed apparently. they are new members. it's not just the fact that people keep forgetting my ethnicity that bugs me, it's also the fact that i'm invisible. i did hear comrades whisper my name though and the comrade beside me stuck her arm up in the air to correct him(she made the same mistake before) but she was beaten by another who made a point of noting i was arab too. he said sorry after. me: the invisible comrade.

I think the other site I'm on has gone down like it did back in January!! How will I cope??

My cheque from work still hasn't cleared. I have all of $13 in the bank at the moment.

i was at queerspace today and i had an argument with a couple of them about whether homosexuality is ever a choice. i argued that for some it can be a choice and the queer community shouldnt use the argument that it is not a choice to defend ourselves because it opens us up to attack and is defensive when we have nothing to be defensive about and the others were arguing the opposite. the thing that made me feel sh!tty was that i can't even remember how i came to ID as queer. i do not remember if i have liked girls from youth, if my sexuality shifted in my teens or if i decided. i also know that if i want i can actually influence whether or not i emotionally or physically like a person. it is hard but i can do it. their arguments against mine were that they couldnt choose to get a hard on, it just happened. they asked me if i was a chooser and i couldnt answer and it just made me feel awkward and ashamed of my sexuality which is something i have never felt before and it was kinda stupid of them to ask because in the queer community you're just derided if you do not fit acceptable norms so why would you answer honestly if you were?

other argument i had: some douche bag defended the wars in the middle east saying that america was "teaching" them how to be peaceful. this was the most racist thing i had heard all day and the most stupid because it's america and it is a war... and also us barabaric, uneducated, uncivilised arabs need white people to invade us and tell us how to be peaceful?! i wanted to tell him he was a racist sh!t but instead i just flipped out on him.

and my passport photos got rejected. uff.

My niece threw a huge fit at school today, and because her mother doesn't know how to deal with a five year old who is kicking and screaming and throwing a tantrum, I got woke up to deal with it, as her father (my brother) was out working.

I have advice for her. It's called "When your five year old starts screaming, you don't scream back, otherwise they see that they have that control over you and will do it more to get their way." When she dropped my niece off, I calmly picked her up and carried her kicking and screaming up two flights of stairs to my apartment, then sat her down on my couch and explained to her why we don't act that way. I brought her back to school within half an hour.

She complains that they never do anything for her, but it's because she never follows through with discipline. They just walk all over her and they know they can. Also, telling your kids all the time that they are "bad" isn't really a good way to make them "good", it just makes them believe that they are bad, so they act accordingly. I mean, why even TRY to be good when even when you ARE good your mom tells you "You're so bad"?

Sorry for the rant, but if I vent to people around me they just tell me that I shouldn't help her out. I help her out for the sake of my brother. If I hadn't stepped in, he would have been called in from work. I don't work, and the girls (three of them, ages 3, 4 and 5) listen to me more than they listen to their own mother. Nobody understands my loyalty to my family. Well, except my husband.

Where do I begin... Just a bad day.

A friend of mine gave me a piece of paper to smell earlier. It smelled like peppermint, but I felt funny after smelling it. I asked him what it was, and he said it was a wrapper that was used to wrap around cocaine. I'm not very happy with him right now.

I hath a slight headache....

the heat. i am burned. i didnt get all my passport stuff done but i did get photos done for free. they were as shocked as i was to discover that covering eyebrows and wearing a headband were not allowed. some man, a creepy man, made me late so i had to cut the part of my schedule out that would allow me to look for the lebanese sweet place that make awesome ma'amoul that my teta used to get when she wasn't dead. the best ma'amoul mad. this is my favourite flavour(walnut):

creepy man is the reason i do not have a box of these sitting on my table right now.