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there are many occasions where i have felt the desire to go prancing down the street telling everyone to "f?ck off!!", but i am not brave enough to do it. i have decided that i will print 1000 copies of the written words "f?ck off" in bold type on separate pages so that i can discretely hand them out to people who will read them after they have left my area.
i mean, i do not want to be seen as the person who tells them to "f?ck off", but i think they should be instructed to do it anyway. a leaflet with that advice printed on it is the most civil way of going about it in my opinion..

I sometimes get the urge to tell a joke.

The problem with that is, I don't know any jokes.

I have an idea in my head for more writing but it's probably craptastic.

For my electives at uni (next year) I've decided I'm going to do two creative writing units.

There's no worse feeling than feeling like a caged animal.

I've been swimming against the tide all my life.

I'm so f*****g tired.

Sometimes I just feel like letting myself drown.

They say it's a nice way to go.

Knowing my luck though, I'd probably be the one to develop a set of gills.

Three goals in extra time is no way to win a Champions League final.

Or lose one!

Why the man behind the counter in the coop gave me a yellow lighter I'll just never know.

And what's worse is that I didn't just give it him back and ask for another colour.

I'm not too keen on yellow.

Personally, I just like a cake to look like a cake.

A cake that looks like something else is just simply not a cake.

That's my take on it anyway.

...what?

I think people tell lies to me in real life.

I've suspected this for many years now, but I can't figure out why anyone would do this.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.

Someone told me there is no such word as ecological the other day.

But I think there is, because I've just looked it up.

It was because I got confused between ecological and economical.

It made me laugh, it made my manager laugh and it also made the woman on the other end of the phone laugh.

I don't mind being a laughing stock, which is probably a good thing when you think.

I wish the Lumberjack Song in Monty Python was longer.