a rather difficult early evening i have had.
i have been plagued in a curiously almost comical way by complex considerations of my simple automatic thoughts.
it started when i went to the takeaway shop to get dinner. i wanted a 1/4 roast chicken (wing and stuffing) and chips.
a man walked into the shop who looked about 40, and he looked rather flea bitten in a way. he was wearing a beanie, and he was thin and he had some sort of hive condition on his face. his nose was red and he had what looked like many different sized itchy bites on his face. he was frowning and looked like he was not having fun.
i am rather paranoid about catching diseases from people and i always try to back away from people i suspect of being infected with something, but i was walking to the cashier to order when he intercepted my path and i glared at him and thought "back off germ bag!!" and i sidestepped him and i then reflected on what i had just thought and found it funny.
i looked at him quickly to see if he noticed anything bad, and he just looked flea bitten and my mind was taken to a vision of a dog snapping at flies that are bothering it all afternoon, and despite the size of the dog, the flies have worn it down, and i looked at the expression on his face and i then snorted in an attempt to prevent a laughter burst, but i was not successful and i chuckled in the most restrained way i could manage, and then i settled down a bit, but i was intrigued to see if he had reacted negatively if he knew it was about him.
i wondered what i would say if he got annoyed and asked me what i was laughing about.
i thought about it.
i surveyed all the caesar salads and greek cheese salads and other stuff they had in their display case, and i thought to say "i was just looking at all that food. it'll all be brown and in the toilet by tomorrow or the day after", and that tripped me into another bout of laughter, and i had to strain my torso muscles in order to brace myself as well i could whilst my order was being cooked.
i went outside to wait and i did calm down, but i was thinking of funny things all the way home, and i became mildly worried that i could not be serious. it is a strange feeling.