where is the balance?
what is right and wrong to do?
do i help what i feel sorry for or cheer what i am glad to have been fed.
there is a spider that lives in my window sill (inside) and she has grown largish, but she is a web bound spider.
i have watched her for months almost starving and i can not catch prey for her because it must be a natural catch for her to feel like it is hers to eat.
tonight just a minute ago, i saw a beetle fly into that corner of the window sill, and i saw it wander about all confused, and i thought "you better get out of there fast", and just then, the spider came darting out from her funnel and bit the beetle, and i wanted to save the beetle, but i knew that it was already bit so would likely not survive, and i did not want to deprive the spider from it's long awaited and vital meal.
i hated to watch the beetle struggle on and on with the spider continuously biting it.
but i can not interfere with nature i guess, and it was already too late to save the beetle, but it struggled and struggled and i felt it and i knew it was having a very bad time.
the spider who has waited for months and was almost dead saw this as a salvation, and i just watched with sadness at the cruelty of life's end and the joy of it's salvation.
i had to look away and i guess the beetle is still now, but i will not look again until tomorrow as i am now going to go to sleep.