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[b]YES - Asperger's is one of my Special Interests - In Case you couldn't tell - Ever since I realised my diagnosis was real/true and accepted it!

YES - Asperger's is one of my Special Interests - In Case you couldn't tell - Ever since I realised my diagnosis was real/true and accepted it!

Sigh. Another tiring day at school.

You know I don't really understand myself sometimes, I drink vodka the night before last and feel like death, I do other drugs and feel like death. I smoke some weed and everything is prefect, I don't know why I keep trying to quit; it just leads to me using other substances to avoid the legal consequences of weed. True some of the other drugs I use are illegal too but the reason I am so nervous with pot, is its very unlikely to get caught popping pills at your neighbours place verse making your entire place smell like a skunk on fire. I am so damn conflicted because of the law but I know I just signed my addiction back on full speed last night after smoking a joint and keeping another for later.

Its so stupid, I am labelled a criminal because I would rather lay my head back an listen to music on weed vs acting like the total jackass I did in my apartment the night before on alcohol. I want to do right but I can't give up weed, I have smoked it for six years. I started when I was 18, have a few breaks that add up to a year of not smoking and than I am back on it again. Honestly my life is more screwed up when I am off it cause than I am drinking, popping molly and taking opiates everyday.

I am not even going to try and quit cause obviously I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have been in this catch 22 for a while and while I would ideally like to not use any substance; it evidently isn't who I am. I am just going use in moderation, I got a good deal going. The dealer I found last night is willing to both hold the marijuana and let me smoke at their place so at least the risk of being caught is lowish. At this point I can't do anything other than smoke and if I end up homeless cause of it, than I'll just move to Colorado and rebuild my life homeless like I did here to begin with. I am not looking forward to it but it is what it is, cause I feel like I this point its smoke weed and be happy or end up dead on opiates...

Last edited by dcj123 on 08 Feb 2016, 10:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

Your Aspie score and neurotypical score are very similar to mine. Perhaps, that's why we get along so well.

Joyce (my resident ghost) is putting perfume on again. I just went into the bathroom and could smell it.

I don't own any smelly aftershave or anything like that. Even my soap is fragrance free - sensory issues.

But every now and again, I can smell female perfume. I'm male - I wouldn't even own that stuff.

Sometimes, at night, in the dark when I'm in bed, I can see out through the back verandah window, especially on moonlit nights and I see her silhouette walking from my spare room into the dining room.

I'm not crazy. I live in the real world. I'm very smart.

Even Boo's seen her. And her cat!

My scrawny little aunt Jo died at the age of 59. John Banner died at the age of 63. I feel less scared now. Just as long as I eat healthy and exercise, I'll live a long life. There was a woman who lived at a nursing home that I volunteered at. She was one and the half times my size and 15 inches shorter. She died one month shy of her 100th Birthday. It was sad, but at the same time it shows that someone my size can live to be 100. I also think that stubborn people live longer than complacent people. I'm the most stubborn person that I know, so I know I'm going to live a very long life. I think I'll live longer than the rest of my family because I'm so stubborn.

http://momzinga.com/?p=1421

There you have it.

So I take it you can relate to that? I mean all you have to do is compare the posts I made on Saturday to the posts I made last night and you can clearly see that alcohol is much worse than marijuana. I would argue that weed doesn't cause paranoia even, the only paranoia I have felt on pot is that of getting caught. Well of course your going to have anxiety about breaking the law, I did when I shoplifted an ipod at work. Does that mean that stealing causes paranoia, no its the act of breaking the law that causes the paranoia.

My life would be over if I got caught, I live in income based housing on disability, I stand to lose everything and my parents said they would not let me move back in with them if I get caught with drugs. Which is some bullcrap cause my brother lives there and used to smoke crack but they aren't against drugs. They just said if I can't stop to save my own housing than I wouldn't stop out of respect for their house. They don't care when I am high, I have been stoned out of my mind around my parents and they are just like don't get caught. Its the illegal status that bothers them as does it with me.

However, what they don't get is that I am going to use some kinda substance cause its just who I am and I have actually been arrested for alcohol and I place more people and my self in harms way drinking and popping pills than I ever did high on weed. Plus they don't understand what pot does for me, I don't know if its good for autism or PTSD or whatever but I am at ultimate peace stoned. It helps my anxiety and the cup is always half full on weed, I never think of any negatives on weed and I am just chill. I mean if weed really does have medical potential for my anxiety, I would think my family would be more supportive of trying to get to a state that has it legal.

I mean if I saw a family member cycle through every drug known to man and end up in jail and rehab when all they want is pot, I would seriously try to get them out west.

R E A D T H I S ! ! !

She died here, in this house not long after her cat died! Stroke! Her, not the cat. I don't know what the cat died of!

My neighbours told me after what I told them. I had no idea about her or her cat. It's a very old house.

They said, "That'd be Joyce and her cat!"

EEEEKKKKK! - But it's not scary. She just gets about here and never bothers me.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting in the lounge room, I can feel her "presence". It's like, when someone is looking over your shoulder, and you can't see them but you can sense it. That's JUST what it's like!

One time, I thought I saw Boo race into the bedroom, so I went in there trying to scare him. I went around the side of the bed and went "BOO" and he wasn't there. He'd been asleep on his pussycat bag on the back verandah the whole time. THAT freaked me out!

I'm going to put my stubbornness to work and do everything that I can to defy aging through healthy eating and the old fashioned kind of exercise. I'm going to buy myself a set of old ski poles if that's the only way I can roller skate down the sidewalks. I'm going to see how much the cheapest pair will cost me. I can also do it with canes as well. I'll buy myself a second cane. I can use my one cane. My destiny is in my hands. Nobody's going to laugh at my cane as I roller skate.

^^Once, when I was playing piano at my old house, I thought I saw our cat Monkey Pi calmly crossing into the office from the hallway. When I looked properly, nothing was there, and then I remembered that Monkey Pi died several years before.

Germany's the #1 country in the world today. It was Britain 50 years ago. It's time for me to step out of the 60s and live in the present but with my Schultz helmet, of course. I'm not leaving that behind in the 60s like I'm doing The Kinks. Heritage and fashion are two different things.

No, Jess, you will NOT let that boy stop you from doing what you want just because you happened to buy the same stuff he has!! It's too late now!! There's no going back!! You need to put all that money you spent to good use!! DON'T let him stop you!! In fact, if it makes you feel better, talk to him about it!! It won't be too bad!! Go on!!

...Just talking to myself...