I confess.....

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I confess to Almighty Aspie that I had my IEP updated today!

No-one, but don't you want to stop it?

It's taking a self-defeatist attitude which really screws things up. If you think negatively about yourself all the time, you act negatively, and more often than not, things turn out negatively. A streak of optimism helps.

Anubis,

Self-harm is just as much a symptom of autism as any of the others; some have it and some don't. It's a stim, nothing more; nothing less. It's no more "right" or "wrong" than picking your nails or whatnot; self-defeatism is a symptom too.

If it's mentally unhealthy; AS is too then.

Some people rock on the spot to alleviate anxiety, some cut, some burn, some hit their head on a wall, some hit their head with their fist, some flap their hands/arms, some pick nails/scabs, some pull out their hair, some punch things and some do whatever to make them feel better. I've done all of these at one point in time, all had the same effect on me (I felt better after I did it).

Also, if certain people with autism are overwhelmed, they can lose much of the feeling on their skin; cutting makes one "feel" (I've been here; it's probably what defines a "meltdown" to me).

Cutting/burning can also equate to a sense of "control", i.e., I have control over what and how I cut/burn.

The latter can apply to nearly any mental disorder, not just autism; it can also apply to autism too for control and routine is a very big thing for the "sufferer" (it can add said control and routine when one feels like they have none).

I'm more of a burner (I haven't done it for ages -- months); I don't like the feel of warm blood on my skin from cuts. Now, I resort to shaving my head; it's soothing to me (I did the same thing back in high school).

There's a few confessions in there concerning me.

I confess that I still get paranoid to the bone, despite not really being vulnerable...

Life is long and hard though - there's no telling if and when one will become or go back to 'vulnerable' or 'indestructable' and stuff...

Paranoia is a beast... an overpowering feeling.

I confess that yestereve during my weekly AD&D game, I garnered a most unexpected reaction via my esoteric zoological trivia knowledge. In the midst of a journey, our motley crew of adventurers was bushwhacked by a pair of earth elementals. During the battle, our delightfully devilish party mage, Lily, summoned an infernal ape to aid us in the battle. She's done this a few times in the past; it is a useful and strategic maneuver; but, I must admit, I am always struck by the absurdity of the notion: an infernal ape. Can you just see the thought bubble with "WTF?" in it hovering over my head? Yeah, I thought so.

So, I'm chaotic neutral, and a troublemaker by nature. In the midst of the battle, I start this ridiculous discussion... I blurt out, annoyedly,

"Why is it always an infernal ape? Let's have something different for a change; how about an infernal trumpeter swan?"

Our DM, who is quick of wit and used to me spouting strange things like this, shot right back,

"No, a trumpeter swan is clearly a celestial creature."

No problem; I'll hit this curve ball. I shoot right back,

"Fine then; the opposite of a celestial trumpeter swan - an infernal coot."

Now before we proceed, let me ask you gentle reader, do you happen to know what a coot is? Apparently, I was the only person in the room who did. And it took me a few moments to realize this. I was a bit surprised and perplexed to look around the room and see my comrades all giving me their best, "What the hell did you just say?" look; I think the general impression was that I was suggesting some vulgarity, but folks couldn't quite make sense of what or why. And, amongst this crowd of good friends, vulgarity is no big deal; it was amongst these fellows that my flippant ramblings have gotten me summarily banned from being allowed to speak to females, twice now I believe. I think it was just the strangeness of what I said that struck everyone. It took a bit of doing on my part to convince everyone I was not creatively dissembling, as I'm known to do from time to time (though not so often as to be a wolf-crier).

I confess, it was a prized moment; for in acting out to pop the "WTF?" thought bubble that the notion of an infernal ape always caused to appear over me, I inadvertently caused that same "WTF?" bubble to form over everyone else's head; a perfect reflection. Never again will the notion of an infernal ape go uncoupled with that of an infernal coot. This is my latest contribution to the universe.

And I still maintain that the opposite of a celestial trumpeter swan is an infernal coot; I dare anybody to argue with me about this.

Good fortune,

- Icarus The Slippery Minded

i Confess that im hidiously butt ugly

I confess that I have been slacking on coming here again

I confess... I really should not procrastinate so much on housework.