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“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

- Edgar Allan Poe

I need a drink.

I have what I need, about eight more hours left of what I need lol

I'll probably go to bed before then,

Completely random? I think I'm good at random:

Cornflakes and dinosaurs belong in a vat. Someone once told me my aforementioned peanut butter cake turned into a beeswax. What was supposed to be the formulaic maze of the doo-dooba. Something was as what it was when it wasn't what it was. Well? Well we could always be back then days. "Then days?" Then days.

Some spider went tot he moon and smelled on its ark. "Smelled on its ark?!" Yes.

Wut? Yup.

Not to be egotistical...Am I, the little Skitty girl, who has been through what some people might call extremely dark situations, not proof that the world is full of love and beauty?

about 80% of people try to be decent. i think you're one of them, dcj. you just have had some extremely trying circumstances and have social skills that cause you to be the emotional equivalent of a (not malicious) bull in the china shop. nothing worth condemning.

those who don't usually try to be decent are the sadists, narcissists, and sociopaths. those who have been pushed beyond their limits temporarily lose their decency.

I agree with cathylynn, as well dcj123, your not a bad person merely someone whom has had to go through Hell so to speak, though not in the biblical sense.

You know I am going to be pretty pissed if God doesn't tell me how many hours of games I played in life as a high score.

All that is beautiful dies and what will be your love today will be your pain tomorrow. Existence is a gift at first until one makes mistakes, then the rest is pain and death. Our problems are usually caused by having to deal with the consequences of other peoples problems. Death spreads though our inequity and when one is hurt they hurt others. All that is innocent dies and with it pain is born and it plants itself into more and more people and the world gets worse and worse.

the world is NOT getting worse. extreme poverty is disappearing. war is less frequent. differences are increasingly accepted.

To everyone and anyone: I suggest reading The Power of Now and A New Earth [by Eckhart Tolle], and The Way of The Wizard [by Depac Chopra].

It's the super skitty again looking for the cities of gold^

^Yes, except I've found a city of gold--right inside me.

I did not know your name was El Dorado.. lol

I'm also uncommonly known as the Kin-Koneko-chan. Any guesses on what that means?

Well maybe my abuse has warped my senses, I don't know.

Its hard to see any good in life and my choices have been pretty bad and range from getting into drugs at college to being pretty verbally abusive to some people. Just remember I do try and censor myself so I am worse then the few examples I have gave. Life just all happened so quickly, I was not ready for the world at 18, I was immature and was about 12 mentally. I was forced to make life and death decisions without much thought and I frequently took the latter cause I just didn't think. Bad decisions hurt but there is only so much I can see with those around me offering me pills everyday. Your going to do anything to escape reality after about 3-4 weeks of homeless. Just the feeling alone hurt, you get so tired that you can't stop moving cause if you do your fall asleep and this feeling is 24 /7. I went to work that way and even fell asleep at work. There were days there were just a blur to later wake up surrounded by police telling me to leave or asking me about some crime that happened last week. Seems homeless left a mark so maybe is it just my experiences. All this pain caused by my brother legally making it impossible to live at home and also throwing me in jail for assault twice after he beat me. I hid in my parents house some of time, I am not going lie. I slept in their yard but their house is 100 miles from where my social security court was. Originally I was released from jail to a half way house / group home thing and I got so evicted from that after about three posts worth of stuff went down.