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^Those girls do exist you know

^I'm sorry, I was quoting dcjs post, the one before yours

It's okay as that was my mistake, Froya not yours. Therefore, I need to make an apology for the misunderstanding on my part.

Personally I believe if such has a place in my existence it will not be in this life. Even if they existed I probably would never risk the consequences of a failed relationship, there is no one worth that potential disaster. The worse that could happen is I could end up with a woman that hates me, autistic children with a confused childhood, child support and probably no custody of the children. That is deep can with worms of great pain and suffering that I am just not willing to open for anyone under any circumstances.

If you always consider the worse outcome objectively and make a decision acknowledging what can go wrong then it doesn't hurt so bad when it does. That is why I am rocking my just shy of a year isolation, what are the consequences of just living here playing games? At worse I never achieve greatness and I get fat, those consequences are looking way better then doing anything else. There are things that I would let ruin my life but a partner is not one of them, but I use the term ruining my life rather broadly. If things go too sour I'll live life free from anyone and hide myself from all of society. I don't believe in hurting others or revenge or anything. If the consequences of any of my choices right now become more then I can handle then I will become more free then anyone before me. You can lock someone in a cell but you can never take the freedom from their hearts.

I am pretty independent from society to be honest,

Let me rephrase this because it sounds like I would be a crime lord if I found life too intense. What I am saying is I would not respect laws against that which doesn't hurt anyone if society was to keep pushing me away. I am happy in isolation, I have reached a place where I'll exist over here and the world can exist over there but if things get too serious. I will literally walk out of this city on foot with no laws from any man telling me I couldn't and I would never be seen or heard from again. So that is what I am saying, I am mentally prepared to leave everything for the things I believe in at this point.

That was a bit of a rant, sry

^Well, if it makes you feel better I'm actually usually (not at the moment) more isolated then you. You didn't think that was possible did you! Apart from three hours of socialising every two weeks, I'm all alone. I have no contact with my parents and almost no contact with my brother. My stepsister has visited me a couple of times a year though, and that is very nice.

I don't like the situation, but I can't break out of it.

It's creepy to see how one change as a person when isolated over time. I get way to invested in my neighbours. I have to think about other people, and since my neighbours is who I see the most, that's who I think about. I'm so glad no one can see what's going on in my head

Good Night

That is about right, my parents visit me every two weeks and that is about 2-3 hours. Sometimes they don't so, I went six week this last year never seeing another human, talking or leaving my apartment. That is my current record, its hard to beat now with people from my housing bugging to renew my lease but that is about it socially. I have said WP is all I have left and I am about done with it too but I am working on that process and once processed I'll probably leave. I am thinking maybe there is a reason I am so well versed in religious text though so that is where I place the meaning of my life. I will say this but it is not what I want to happen. If the world is thrown into chaos very soon, I will feel my existence has more of a meaning with regards to having the knowledge to deal with it. If it all falls apart, no one will tell me what to do, I am going to the mountains within the laws of social norms or I am walking there with the authority of God. I am mentally done with society and what I am saying is there is some context where that could be helpful so I say lets wait and see if its helpful.