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phoenixjsu
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20 May 2006, 10:21 pm

You're welcome. :wink:



Zamzara
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21 May 2006, 7:19 am

Raph522 wrote:
A man is driving through a crwded parking lot. he can't find a place to park anywhere. he says 'god, if you can help me find a parking spot i'll go to church every sunday and give up my whiskey and gambling'. A spot suddenly appeared and the man said ' nevermind god i found one.'


:lol: :lol:

* Q. Why do you rarely find mathematicians at the beach?
A. They prefer to use opposite/adjacent to get a tan.


* Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

* A sociologist, a physicist and a mathematician are all given equal amounts of fencing, and are asked to enclose the greatest area. The sociologist pauses for a moment and decides to enclose a square area with his fence. The physicist, realizing he can fence off a greater amount of land with the same amount of fencing, promptly sets his fence in the form of a circle, and smiles. "I'd like to see you beat that!" he says to the mathematician. The mathematician, in response, takes a very small piece of his own fencing, and wraps it around himself, proclaiming, "I define myself to be outside of the fence!"



Zamzara
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21 May 2006, 7:23 am

Two mathematicians are eating together at a diner, and they wind up arguing over how much mathematics the average person knows - one believes that most people have a reasonable knowledge, while the other thinks most people are incredibly ignorant when it comes to mathematics. While the second mathematician is in the restroom, the first decides to have a little fun to argue his point so he calls a waitress over and tells her "In a few minutes, I'm going to call you over again and ask you a question, and the answer will be 'One-third x cubed'. Can you remember that for me?"
"OK. One third ex cube," she repeats, and walks away.
When the second mathematician returns, the first one calls to the waitress and asks her "Waitress, what is the integral of x squared?" She replies "one-third x cubed," and then turns to walk away, but then calls over her shoulder "plus a constant!"



Raph522
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21 May 2006, 7:27 pm

loneymtnwulf wrote:
I often try to find prases that I think make good jokes when viewed as oxymorons (im sure you all know what those are). These are some of what I have come up with so far:

upside down (just as example)

southern gentleman

good lawyer

government organization

happy marriage

CIA intelligence

Ford tough

smart people

rap music

Microsoft Works

Try and see if you can figure out anymore.


Auto pilot

Authentic replica...



jagatai
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05 Aug 2012, 4:45 pm

Need to resurrect this thread...

This is a bit of a metajoke...

A professor of humor and a friend are attending a conference on jokes. They sit in the audience as one person after another goes up to the podium and says a number.
"336" says one.
The crowd laughs.
"487" say another. This elicits an amused chuckle.
The professor's friend grows increasingly confused and finally asks, why are these people laughing at numbers.
"Well," the professor explains, "We all have studied jokes so much and know them so well that there is no need to tell the actual joke. All we need to be amused is to hear its number."
Another person gets up and says "67" This gets a round of giggling.
Then another steps up to the podium and says "3046" The crowd roars with laugher. The professor laughs particularly loudly.
The friend says "That must be a good joke to get such laughter."
The professor replies, "Actually it's just because they never heard that one before."


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LittleDarwin
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05 Aug 2012, 6:55 pm

Thanks for resurecting this thread with a good joke. :lol:

I don't have a joke, how about a true story?

I was on a call with a coworker with IBM discussing an issue. IBM presented a solution that would have had us changing all of our programs, so I told them, "Changing all of our programs would be onerous." My coworker in a panic jumped in and said, "No, "we don't want to change our programs, it would be too hard."



Pyrite
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05 Aug 2012, 8:16 pm

jagatai wrote:
Need to resurrect this thread...

This is a bit of a metajoke...

A professor of humor and a friend are attending a conference on jokes. They sit in the audience as one person after another goes up to the podium and says a number.
"336" says one.
The crowd laughs.
"487" say another. This elicits an amused chuckle.
The professor's friend grows increasingly confused and finally asks, why are these people laughing at numbers.
"Well," the professor explains, "We all have studied jokes so much and know them so well that there is no need to tell the actual joke. All we need to be amused is to hear its number."
Another person gets up and says "67" This gets a round of giggling.
Then another steps up to the podium and says "3046" The crowd roars with laugher. The professor laughs particularly loudly.
The friend says "That must be a good joke to get such laughter."
The professor replies, "Actually it's just because they never heard that one before."


In the version I heard the friend tries to participate by going up and saying "72" but nobody laughs.
Someone in the audience is heard to whisper: "I don't know who this guy he is but he sure can't tell a joke"



jagatai
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05 Aug 2012, 9:32 pm

Pyrite wrote:
jagatai wrote:
Need to resurrect this thread...

This is a bit of a metajoke...

A professor of humor and a friend are attending a conference on jokes. They sit in the audience as one person after another goes up to the podium and says a number.
"336" says one.
The crowd laughs.
"487" say another. This elicits an amused chuckle.
The professor's friend grows increasingly confused and finally asks, why are these people laughing at numbers.
"Well," the professor explains, "We all have studied jokes so much and know them so well that there is no need to tell the actual joke. All we need to be amused is to hear its number."
Another person gets up and says "67" This gets a round of giggling.
Then another steps up to the podium and says "3046" The crowd roars with laugher. The professor laughs particularly loudly.
The friend says "That must be a good joke to get such laughter."
The professor replies, "Actually it's just because they never heard that one before."


In the version I heard the friend tries to participate by going up and saying "72" but nobody laughs.
Someone in the audience is heard to whisper: "I don't know who this guy he is but he sure can't tell a joke"


I hadn't heard that version. It's a good variant. I believe this one is 3046-b.


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MakaylaTheAspie
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05 Aug 2012, 9:55 pm

Two hunters were walking in the woods when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first hunter proclaimed: "Hey look, deer tracks!"
The second hunter, being the one who has more experience hunting, said: "No, they're not deer tracks, they're elk tracks!"
As the two hunters argued over what kind of tracks they were, they were both tragically killed by a train.

You can go ahead and figure it out. :lol:


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