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jrjones9933
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11 May 2015, 9:11 pm

I am a professional race car driver.


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KyleTheGhost
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12 May 2015, 4:17 pm

I'm always talking on the phone.


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jrjones9933
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13 May 2015, 5:16 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
The UN has just released 10.5 million dollars of money I didn't even know I was owed, and all I have to do to claim it is pay $198 in delivery fees!


My $10.5 million has now moved to the Federal Reserve Board of NY, and has been deposited in my name at Zenith Direct Online Bank. I'm sure that Mr. Jim Ovia Lawson is checking his hotmail address regularly in hopes of delivering my inheritance or foreign lottery winnings to me as soon as possible.


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KyleTheGhost
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15 May 2015, 3:20 pm

Droping the anchor allows the ship to fly.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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15 May 2015, 6:30 pm

I plan on leaving Wrong Planet soon.


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lostonearth35
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15 May 2015, 8:31 pm

In Canada we travel to school and work every day by dogsled while on the lookout for Sasquatch. It's not that they're dangerous, in fact they are quite gentle creatures. It's just that the whale blubber we pack in our lunches is impossible for them to resist.



jk1
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16 May 2015, 12:09 am

Old photocopiers can sometimes make grammatical/spelling mistakes when it photocopies a document. So you need to proofread the document after photocopying it.



KyleTheGhost
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16 May 2015, 4:41 am

KyleTheGhost wrote:
Droping the anchor allows the ship to fly.


I did not forget to put in a second 'P' in Dropping.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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16 May 2015, 2:23 pm

I am the captain of a boat that I own.


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jk1
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17 May 2015, 3:26 am

I only turn on the heater in summer because I want to be different from other people.



Krabo
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17 May 2015, 9:52 am

In the winter, when is so cold outside you cannot even think clearly, I sleep with my windows open.



Wolfram87
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17 May 2015, 12:19 pm

Creation Science is just as valid as real science.


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Edna3362
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17 May 2015, 2:05 pm

I'm a manifestation of my own mind that isn't supposed to exist, my 'assistant' is a mad scientist who is also a witch, and my colleague is a hyperactive psychologist.


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Catlover5
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17 May 2015, 2:44 pm

I won the World Cup.



jrjones9933
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17 May 2015, 4:13 pm

I failed a class, and can't graduate.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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17 May 2015, 4:55 pm

I'm watching the Stanley Cup finals right now.


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