I have a problem...

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Me and my fiance buy our own groceries. We also help buy some of the family's groceries, since we are living in his parents' house.

The stuff we buy for the family, we put in the appropriate places, so that the family can enjoy those goods.

The stuff that we buy for ourselves, however, we keep in a special airtight plastic container in our bedroom.
The stuff we keep in our room usually consists of our favorite cereal, candy, and chocolate. Perishable goods are NEVER stored in our room.
We keep it so that we actually get a chance to eat it, rather than it disappearing within a day because the family ate it all.

Recently, Father-In-Law discovered that we were keeping our favorite treats for ourselves, and an argument occured. He says it's wrong to "deny the family the right to eat good food." He ignored the fact that we do indeed buy good food for the family.

In fact, sometimes we buy two boxes of a particular kind of cereal, keep one in our room, and put one in the kitchen for the family. We eat our own box, and leave the other box alone. That way, the family gets some good cereal too.

But Father-In-Law still thinks its wrong.


Is it wrong to for us to keep food that WE bought with OUR money for ourselves, as long as we also provide for the family as well?

Last edited by CleverKitten on 20 Jul 2009, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Definately not. You should be able to enjoy things purchased with your own money. I've been in similar situations myself and would do the exact same thing because, as you say, if you leave it in a public place you won't end up getting any as it will instantly disappear.

The question is, why does your Father-In-Law have such a problem with it? Do you two pay your fair share of rent? If not, he may feel like you are taking advantage of him and he is focusing on this as a manifestation of the real issue.

We pay $500 rent every month. We also babysit their 12 year old son and take care of the dogs, do household chores, as well as help with the groceries.

Mother-In-Law sees no problem, it's only Father-In-Law that takes any issue out of it. We're not sure why...

That does seem kind of odd. Not necessarily wrong, but I could see how someone could almost take offense to that. Could think you think they're pigs and dont want them near your food cause they are sloppy or will eat it all.

Why do you need to separate the food? if you do the grocery shopping for the whole house and yourselves, it would seem there isnt a shortage of food forcing you to horde so you have something to eat?

In the end, you bought it, so if you wanna keep it in your bathroom cabinets go right ahead. But I could see how it could be taken as kind of offensive.

I got a similar thing in the past. If I bought something that only I like then I could eat it all without problems. If it was something my girlfriend liked then I was EXPECTED to share it even though I paid for it.

Weird.

Vanilla_Slice

If you thoroughly read my post, you would see the reason why we have to keep our favorite foods in our room. But I will post that section again for you, since you seem to have missed it.



This is not implying that we think that the family eats like pigs. We just want a chance to eat the food that we bought for ourselves.

I also wrote:



We give the family good food as well, so there is no reason for Father-In-law to get angry for "denying the family good food."



Here is what I said about storage methods:

Last edited by CleverKitten on 20 Jul 2009, 12:41 pm, edited 6 times in total.

make little nicely crafted signs, like those on minefields, and put them on top of your fave foods

"DANGER!"
*SKULL*
"DO NOT EAT!"
"FORBIDDEN!
VERBOTEN!
¡PROHIBIDO!"

Lol, we tried that for awhile. The family would pick up the sign wondering how that got on the food, and then eat the food anyways.

I think:

'I spit on this'

would be more effective:p That always makes people back away, in my experience.

But I really don't see a problem with what you two are doing right now.
You pay rent, you buy the food with your own money and you're considerate enough to get the rest of the family food etc.
I really do not see a problem with keeping some 'special' foods for yourself to indulge in.

Gosh no. Nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, I think you've been quite fair and thoughtful. Everytime your FIL rants about I would calmly say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then carry on with other things or leave the room. He's being a tad bit immature about the whole thing.

Ya, I read through that but it just didnt stick while I was reply'n =P


We had a great rule in college, doesnt really work with kids though =/.
If you finish it, you replace it that moment. Dont finish off the milk if you dont want to go up to the gas station to buy another gallon, dont eat the last thing of roman noodles if you dont want to go up to the grocery store when you're done. We set up the rule that if you didnt buy it but you wanted it, you could have it as long as within 2 hours it was replaced. With exceptions like leaving 1 hotdog in a pack is the same as empty and similar things.


Maybe just say to his dad you guys enjoy the idea of being independent, keeping your own food, it's a stepping stone to having your own place. I dont know how he feels about you guys but maybe he'll be accepting if he thinks its one step close to getting rid of you =P

Lol, sorry if I sounded a bit catty towards you, willa. Inconsistencies peeve me off a bit.

Anyways, that sounds like a great idea! We will definitely bring that up in the next family discussion.

And we do plan to move out within the next two years. The sooner the better.

your onto something

what if he ACTUALLY spits on it.
and lets them know!

no, I dont think its wrong at all but what made it wrong for your father in law was the way you have dealth with this until now, with not beeing open with it.
Your father in law might feel offended in a feeling "you hiding something from me". Its not a crime but a feeling in him that made him upset maybe. If you had said from the beginning when you started with this that you will keep some of your own food in your room "for knowledge" he knew it since before....but I understand your part too as the purpose for you to hide it was to keep it to yourselves. I mean otherwise it could just stay in the kitchen as the rest of the stuff as it anyway would be known to the whole house...
But maybe that can be a future solution to make your father in law less upset. You agree to keep your own food in your own area of the kitchen and not in your room but under the condition that nobody else than the two of you are allowed to take from there because its only yours...but I dont know maybe it doesnt work with a 12 year old around looking for treats...

That would tempt me to write "so did I." So perhaps the hiding is better. My eating habits are so different from the other members of my family that I rarely need to hide anything.

Nothing wrong with the hiding, either.

Yup, wouldn't work with a 12 year old boy who has NO respect for other people's belongings. He deliberately breaks rules for the fun of it, and when he does get in trouble for it, he just laughs.

Anyways, perhaps I should've told FIL about it, but then he still would've gotten mad at the concept.